oh man.. im leaving tonight!!! gonna miss everyone!!!!!!! :(
but looking forward to spain.. haha..

sigh.. it feels horrible when u're feeling really bad inside but u still have to keep that smile on ur face..

haha.. i just finished the most mentally draining paper of my life.. oh boy.. towards the end i was just thinking "hurry up just let it end" even though i hadn't really finished doing a few parts of a question.. haha.. and now my brain feels like it needs a break.. oh boy.. but thank God He's brought me through.. especially through this paper.. my weakest module.. i was so nervous but during the exam He gave me peace.. despite me not putting in 100%.. as always He's been so gracious.. so whatever result i get for this.. im just gonna thank God.. whether i pass or fail..

sigh.. other than that.. my life has been.. tiring.. emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually.. guess things are not really going well everywhere i go.. and so many things have been stressing me out.. i don't really know when this is gonna end.. but i know if it keeps continuing im gonna suffer from a nervous breakdown.. argh!! i need a break!!

argh.. going mad.. i need a morale boost..
this feeling is the worst i've ever felt in all the exams i've taken!! argh!!!!

haha i just have to blog abt this! just went to east coast park.. alone.. just me, myself and God.. haha.. went there to cycle.. and after awhile.. i sat by the seaside and just looked out into the sea.. besides those ugly looking ships and carriers, the view was pretty good.. especially since the weather in the morning was so good!

there were fluffy white clouds and blue skies.. and the sun! yeah! i just sat there, admiring the scenery and the waves.. and felt really at peace.. haven't felt this way in a long time! i sang songs.. prayed.. and just stared out into the vast ocean.. if only there weren't those ships.. ergh!
after that i went to bedok jetty.. and stared out into the open again.. watched a few planes land, the rays of sun falling on the water.. and saw a few fish in the water too.. sigh.. the view was just breahtaking! haha.. i wanna do this again! and again! and again!

sigh.. so many things have been crossing my mind lately.. and i've been feeling moody too.. maybe that's why i fell sick.. haha but today's trip to east coast really helped!

hahaha.. today was such a fun day.. went for ktv with my pharm friends.. can u believe it? hahahaha.. i sang chinese songs! my goodness.. haha.. anyway after that we went for dinner.. then went to play abit more.. haha.. so fun!! heee.. i think im starting to get closer to pharm ppl.. heeeeeee..

haha.. back after not blogging for sooooooo long.. the past week has been the most hectic so far! : i had two tests on the same day.. physical pharm and physio.. super shiong.. and i had a project and 7 disgusting lab reports to hand in! sigh.. thus, i have been really busy!

anyway wanted to blog abt church today.. service today was really good.. and really refreshing.. lethal combination of uncle lim eng and uncle eng wah.. heh.. uncle lim eng is a really good worship leader.. and uncle eng wah.. needless to say a good speaker.. some things he said really impressed on my heart today.. more than ever.. where he spoke on Psalm 24.. and really brought me back in awe of God.. indeed the earth is the Lord's and everything in it.. and who may climb the mountain of the Lord? He who has clean hands and a pure heart.. after listening to today's sermon, i was even more convicted to be obedient to God.. i know it won't be easy cos the devil will always be whispering negative stuff into my ear.. like recently.. when i thought abt the salvation of my unsaved dad and pharm friends and jc classmates.. i would blame myself for not having the courage to speak up and ask them to church or something.. it's really so difficult to.. but all the more i have to try.. :s by God's grace, i'll be able to muster up some courage soon!

yup.. other than that.. this week i've a rather relaxing week.. no morning lessons at all.. but i've to use my time wisely to study for my test on sat! anatomy.. haha.. sigh.. so many things to remember.. :

oh and guess what? something really horrible happened today.. i was driving my grandparents home.. then i almost drove off with my grandfather halfway into the car! eek!! if my bro didn't start shouting i wouldn't have known.. :s sigh.. so careless of me!!

Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out of my window
Dreaming of a could be
And if i end up happy
I would pray

Trying hard to reach out
But when I'd try to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I pray (I would pray)
I could breakaway

Chorus:
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I loved
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway

Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away (I will)
And breakaway

Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging around wild indoors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, breakaway

I'll spread my wings And I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk
Take chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway

Breakaway - Kelly Clarkson

hmm.. sth not so funny happened to me on monday.. (although alot of ppl think it's funny) :. i was supposed to go to mozi's house before badminton after school to have dinner.. and so i drove there.. and parked there.. and then i went up.. went to do some work.. after awhile.. i realised my handphone was still in the car.. so i went back to the car to get it. LO AND BEHOLD!! i saw this slip of paper with the police logo on it.. saying i was fined cos i parked along the continuous white line.. argh!! my first instinct was like oh my gosh im so dead.. my dad's gonna murder me.. haiz.. from what i heard the fine was 70 bucks.. eek. i hope they don't give demerit points too..

anyway, when i was leaving at 1o o clock at night.. i was driving down sixth ave.. then the lights turned amber and then red just as i passed the stop line.. hmm.. it's quite a split second kinda thing.. dunno whether there was red-light camera there or not, but i most certainly hope NOT cos that one will really cost me 12 demerit points and a fine of 200.. so im really really really praying.. eek.. drove past that traffic light again today and took a closer look.. most likely there isn't a camera there.. *phew* my dad says our car is gonna be famous soon.. first my bro forgot to slot in the cash card and went past the erp gantry.. then this.. sigh. careless careless..

oh well.. i have to study for a prac test tmr.. and do my tutorial! haha.. have been staying up late the past few nights.. doing my project and talking to my pharmacy friends online.. haha.. yupyup. and yay! newblog skin that looks like fifi.. btw.. fifi is sick.. :( his leg has been giving him so much problem! sigh..

heh.. i'm back after a long time of not blogging.. haha.. as usual. anyway i just came home.. sent the car for servicing after my morning lesson.. then pumped petrol.. spent lots of money on both activities.. yup..

hmmm.. these few days i've been recuperating from the tests last week.. and yeah.. im having menstrual cramps now! oh well.. oh i passed the test which i thought i was gonna fail! haha.. got 24/4o. was at the bottom of the class but i told myself that as long as i pass, i'll be happy! for the other test on sat.. i did okay.. 72/100.. but as usual.. everyone in class did super well.. haha.. the average was like 80+!! haha.. pharmacy ppl are smart and hardworking!! eek! i better work hard too! Oh.. and the top student in pharmacy is quite a strong christian.. from what she writes in the forum.. heee.. praise God!

yeah.. on a more reflective note.. like yiling wrote, i've been thinking abt God's grace too.. and His love for us.. and the past few days.. i've been thinking of how sinful i am.. and how i've really trivialised the hellishness of sin in some things that i do.. how unworthy i am of His grace.. and yeah.. been praying abt it.. i really want to change the way i see sin.. the way i take God's forgiveness for granted.. i must have incurred God's wrath sooooo many times! haha.. i'm sure we all have.. and as i read Psalm 51 yesterday.. yeah.. i realised it was a prayer i wanted to make to God..

Have mercy on me, O God, according to Your unfailing love,
according to Your compassion, blot out my transgressions.
Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.
For I know my transgressions and my sin is always before me.
Against You, You only, have I sined and done what is evil in Your sight,
so that You are proved right when You speak and justified when You judge.
Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
Surely You desire truth in the inner parts, You teach me wisdom in the inmost place.
Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me and I will be whiter than snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones You have crushed rejoice.
Hide Your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity.
Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from Your presence or take Your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
Then i will teach transgressors Your ways, and sinners will turn back to You.
Save me from bloodguilt, O God, the God who saves me, and my tongue will sing of Your
righteousness.
O Lord, open my lips and my mouth will declare Your praise.
You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
You do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart
O God, You will not despise.

heh.. time to update! haven't been online the past few days.. sigh.. this is bad! it's the holidays and before that, i'd resolved to catch up with lectures and study for the THREE tests that i have at the end of the week! but noe what!??!! i've been watching huan zhu ge ge!!! ahhhhhh!! it started with an innocent longing to watch tv.. and no nice programmes on tv to watch.. so i had to turn to vcds.. and well.. vcds ARE addictive.. so.. yeah.. i'll be cheonging like mad, studying tonight! heh..

other than that.. my new car came today! yay! collected it from the workshop.. oh to those who dunno.. my bro and i are sharing a car.. i dunno whether i told all of u or not.. can't remember.. *scratches head* yup.. heee.. so exciting! :)

yup.. have to do my qt tonight and practise my piano!! remind me!!! :)

oh my gosh.. i still feel as if im bobbing up and down in the water! haha.. as u all can guess.. i just got back from canoeing.. heh.. this week's one was more challenging than last week's.. but more fun also.. haha.. last week we did the two-man canoe.. and this week we did the one-man one.. yup.. i've done the two-man one quite alot of times already so i was quite used to it..but whoa.. i've only done the one-man one once in my life.. haha and today was the second one.. and today's canoe was super unstable..

heh.. the course was actually quite fun.. they taught us quite alot of strokes.. brought us around the kallang basin.. which is very large! and scary.. especially when the wind is blowing and the sky is dark.. heh.. that was before lunch.. i was so scared! after lunch.. the sun was up and it was so HOT!! im totally red now.. all the bb boys were laughing at me.. and i have no idea why i became so red..

yupyup.. anyway today.. haha.. we had to do quite alot of capsize.. but the last one was the most fun.. cos they made everyone capsize at the same time! and there was no one on the canoe at all.. so we had to find a way to get back on and empty our canoe.. lots of water.. haha.. it was so fun!! hahahaha.. yup..

oh well.. how was church? missed church.. and the 85 gathering.. mark called and said everyone was there.. including bryan and i guess nick too.. sigh.. missed it.. :( oh well.. there'll be another chance.. i hope.. other than that.. my life's been hectic.. cos of sch.. but guess what?? i have 4 days of holiday next wk!!! nus is so kiam siap.. can't even give us one whole week of hols.. : yup.. so from the 20th to 23rd of september, i'll be free!!! :) at least i hope.. and studying for all the tests after that.. arghhhhhhhhh..

hmmm.. haven't blogged in almost a month! im drowning in school.. that's why.. hahahaha.. yep.. i haven't really had time to log on except to download notes.. print out notes.. go on msn.. check mail.. that's abt it.. heh.. oh well.. and im sick today! since last night i've been sneezing.. sore throat.. headache.. and im still recovering from a bad stomachache.. spent most of my time in the toilet just now.. and the pain was.. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.. crazy.. haha.. yeah..

sigh.. this week has been a sad week so far.. aunty beng choo passed away.. hmm.. though i was never really close to her.. nevertheless, she's been updating so frequently on the church email.. prayer updates and all.. see her around pretty often in church too.. and i've heard so much abt her.. even my pharmacy friends noe her.. cos she used to teach them.. yeah.. and during the funeral, could really see the pain in the eyes of her family members.. thinking of all that just makes me feel so sad.. haiz.. but well, we must thank God that she's free from all the pain.. and in a place that's so much better than here.. yupp..

watching singapore idol now.. so i shall stop here.. today's contestants are not too bad.. heh..

Lord You seem so far away
A million miles or more it feels today
And though I haven't lost my faith
I must confess right now
That it's hard for me to pray
But I don't know what to say
And I don't know where to start
But as You give the grace
With all that's in my heart

I will sing, I will praise
Even in my darkest hour
Through the sorrow and the pain
I will sing, I will praise
Lift my hands to honour You
Because Your Word is true
I will sing

Lord it's hard for me to see
All the thoughts and plans You have for me
But I will put my trust in You
Knowing that You died to set me free
But I don't know what to say
And I don't know where to start
But as You give the grace
With all that's in my heart

-I will sing, by Don Moen

hmmm.. ok i shall take bernie's advice and blog.. haha.. i've been busy bidding for my modules the past few days.. wanted to take so many but most of them clashed and those that didn't are very popular.. SIGH.. for instance.. i wanted to try psychology.. but it's super popular.. and there's this module called "understanding emotions during interactive processes" or sth like that.. and it's super popular.. in the end i decided to bid for living with maths or food and health.. yup.. so far everything's been okay.. only thing is that everyone speaks chinese in my faculty.. most people.. haha.. so i've got a language problem! haha.. oh well.. time to practise speaking chinese..

anyway i was on tv today! after the freshmen inauguration ceremony.. i was trying to scoot off as fast as possible to visit yang in hospital.. and then i walked past this reporter whom i thought was talking to the camera man.. little did i know they were actually filming.. haha.. so im on tv! but sheesh.. for the wrong reasons.. :

yupyup.. then when i got home from the hospital, i slept from 3 to 7!! oh man.. i must have been so tired.. and i woke up with a headache.. sigh.. and there's still school tmr.. some talk by a lecturer or sth.. yup.. today's ceremony.. all the deans and masters of hall looked like they just came off the set of harry potter... heh

im thinking of staying in hall next yr.. prince georges park.. the place where they don't bother much abt u.. leave u to do ur own stuff.. no meals provided.. no hall master.. no hall activities.. just me, myself and my laptop! haha.. im gonna pray abt it so pray along with me! :)

hmmm.. it's been a real tiring day.. think i need to learn to love others more.. friends, family and even outsiders.. haiyah.. i wanna watch tv and listen to radio now.. haha.. shall elaborate another time.. :)

haiz.. my dad's poor car.. it's suffered alot under my hands.. hahaha.. let me list the things i did to it since i first started driving.. hmm.. the very night i passed.. i took the car out and knocked into my neighbour's dustbin, almost parked in my living room, gave my bro many heart attacks.. haha.. last week i turned the ignition key the wrong way and the engine gave a loooooooooooooooooooooooooooud screeeeeeeeeeech!! boy.. was my dad pissed.. then today i gave the car it's maiden scratch when i brushed against the wall at a multi-storey carpark today..
 
oh well.. there IS a first time for everything.. i guess me and my mazda got started on the wrong foot.. : anyway my dad's quite resigned to his fate.. so he said he won't repair the car until i've finished scratching it.. (not that im intending to damage it anymore) haha.. but guess who'll have to pay for the repairs.. *scratches head*
 
haha.. but well.. i guess it just means i need more practise.. and i do! and i will! without doing anymore damage to the car i hope.. at least i know my reaction is slow.. turnings too wide.. judgement not too good.. parking practically hopeless.. well well.. lots to improve eh? haha..
other than that.. hmm.. i've been packing my room these days.. it's in a hazardous state though.. cos i've only packed part of it.. yup.. time to get ready for uni..
 

it's so scary.. losing what you have.. and what you treasure.. be it friends.. family.. i dunno.. whatever.. sigh.. dilemma. don't know what to think

i've lost what i used to have.. and i don't want to lose anything more ever again.. :|

heee.. i passed my driving test!!! thank God!! :) was so nervous before that.. and it really looked like there was gonna be a huge thunderstorm.. but God really held back the rain.. in fact throughout my test it wasn't even drizzling.. heh.. Praise God! and my tester wasn't so grumpy after all.. heh.. after the test, i wanted to go up to my "grumpy" instructor to thank him for helping me.. he's the one who taught me the most times out of all the instructors and though at times he was so strict and fierce, he really taught me many things and gave me many tips! yupyup..

other than that.. i guess things have been happening here and there.. been having alot of mixed feelings.. but too tired to blog them down! im so mentally tired but i can't sleep! aaaaaah!! hee.. and i've got to work tmr! oh.. some of the guys came over yday to watch soccer.. eug, nathan, bennett and jon.. the ironic thing was that they stayed up till the match and most of them fell asleep within the first five mins of the match.. hahaha.. my mum commented that they were the most well-behaved bunch who have ever stayed overnight at my house before.. haha..

yup.. next thing to get done is to play for the grade 4 violinist this friday.. go for my medical check up next wk.. and repair my mp3 player!!

these two days have been really eventful.. fun too.. heh.. yesterday after sarah's wedding, went out with jotham and co. haha.. it was marcus' bday.. so we went to suntec to eat.. after that we went to the esplanade.. yup.. to have a drink and listen to oldies music.. my parents were at the oriental hotel so they could fetch me at about 11 plus.. hee.. yup.. jotham and i went out for a walk for awhile.. it was so nice and refreshing.. just staring out into the sea.. i felt abit dizzy.. dunno why.. hahaha.. but i enjoyed just walking around at night.. in a not-so-crowded place.. haha.. and the view! hahahaha.. but anyway.. it was quite an enjoyable night..

today was youth sunday.. and yup.. the youths did a really great job.. and truly, God was glorified.. i felt so happy the youths were serving.. cos it was like we were serving God and also serving the church.. our parents.. our leaders.. everyone in the congregation.. and i do hope everyone was touched in some way or another.. whether youth or parent.. yup.. after that we had family day at west coast.. was quite fun too.. and there was lots of food!

after family day, the fg went to macs to have more food.. thus contributing to the flab in my body.. sigh.. haha.. but it was fun talking to everyone.. and just sitting around.. met peidee and mark and rachie there too.. hmm.. then aunty seok kee and uncle lim eng sent jotham and i back to his house.. they came out to see oscar too.. mozi took him for a walk.. haha.. was quite fun.. yup.. fun..
okok.. actually im quite tired so i shall just stop writing here.. :)
tomorrow im starting work!! ahhH!!