these two days have been really eventful.. fun too.. heh.. yesterday after sarah's wedding, went out with jotham and co. haha.. it was marcus' bday.. so we went to suntec to eat.. after that we went to the esplanade.. yup.. to have a drink and listen to oldies music.. my parents were at the oriental hotel so they could fetch me at about 11 plus.. hee.. yup.. jotham and i went out for a walk for awhile.. it was so nice and refreshing.. just staring out into the sea.. i felt abit dizzy.. dunno why.. hahaha.. but i enjoyed just walking around at night.. in a not-so-crowded place.. haha.. and the view! hahahaha.. but anyway.. it was quite an enjoyable night..

today was youth sunday.. and yup.. the youths did a really great job.. and truly, God was glorified.. i felt so happy the youths were serving.. cos it was like we were serving God and also serving the church.. our parents.. our leaders.. everyone in the congregation.. and i do hope everyone was touched in some way or another.. whether youth or parent.. yup.. after that we had family day at west coast.. was quite fun too.. and there was lots of food!

after family day, the fg went to macs to have more food.. thus contributing to the flab in my body.. sigh.. haha.. but it was fun talking to everyone.. and just sitting around.. met peidee and mark and rachie there too.. hmm.. then aunty seok kee and uncle lim eng sent jotham and i back to his house.. they came out to see oscar too.. mozi took him for a walk.. haha.. was quite fun.. yup.. fun..
okok.. actually im quite tired so i shall just stop writing here.. :)
tomorrow im starting work!! ahhH!!

heh.. just came back from driving again.. i've got two more lessons before the actual test.. and i REALLY hope my test route is an easy one.. eek.. the instructor is giving me more and more pressure.. to perform for the test.. he keeps saying i can do it.. just that i have to relax when there are alot of cars around.. blah blah blah.. eek..

anyway.. the past two days were spent in the office doing the bulletin.. heh.. and yeah! we've finished the bulletin! although it didn't turn out as nice as we wanted it to be.. wow.. the effort put in from every single one of the bulletin ppl was tremendous! haha.. yup.. all of you did a great job! :) and i'll remember the times we were complaining.. whining.. singing.. laughing.. hahahaha.. so fun.. :)

yup.. anyway im going back to work in the kindergarten for two weeks.. half day.. cos my colleague went for an operation and has two weeks mc.. yup.. two weeks of more shouting and screaming!

hmmm.. sth's wrong with my contact lenses.. everytime i wear them my left eye gets swollen..

hmmm.. im having lots of mixed feelings again.. haha.. today was a good day.. have been spending time with the people in my mentoring group these few days.. and yup.. today was no different. and i guess just talking and sharing is really good and it encourages me to see everyone growing in one way or another.. :) and i guess that makes me really happy! hee..

yup.. but haiz.. my mp3 player isnt working! have been trying to make it work but to no avail.. :( and i just got an email from someone who is really impt to me.. and i dunno.. i just get the gut feeling that sth's gonna happen.. eek.. scary.. the way things were phrased.. oh no.. :( and yeah.. no.. it's not jotham.. heh..

im back from camp! haha.. well.. it was super fun.. had an enjoyable time.. well.. needed a break anyway.. yup. managed to spend time with ppl.. although i didn't get enough sleep.. :|
hmm.. dunno what else to say but it was fun! hahaha..

anyway after the camp we drove up to malacca in a convoy of 5 cars.. lost each other in a jam.. and met up again after awhile. haha. had a wonderful lunch there and then drove back down to singapore.. by the time we reached home it was about seven plus! eek! so late! haha i was so tired i konked out straight away.

oh well.. that's all for now..

hmmm.. yesterday's driving lesson was quite comic la.. my instructor was this really steady guy.. very relaxed also.. practically sleeping while i was driving and occasionally grunting "turn right, turn left, u-turn".. so everything in the circuit and the road went quite well.. then we got back into the circuit again.. and i was quite pleased.. so i was just sitting back and relaxing when he suddenly tapped on the dashboard.. which means i've to jam brakes.. and i got such a shock i didn't jam on my brakes.. heh.. oh well

well, his reaction was quite funnie.. he said "the last few years in our centre, no one has ever failed on emergency brake.. pls don't break our record" sheeeeeeeesh.. heh.. oh well.. my reaction nowadays is really very slow.. so i'll have to work on that..

anyway.. today's lionel's and melissa's wedding! yup.. so exciting.. the first of the four brothers who is getting married..

haha.. it's been a tiring tiring tiring two weeks for me.. had gb camp which was very tiring.. and been worrying for ppl.. worrying for stuff that's so dear to me.. haiz.. boy im exhausted.. really exhausted.. in all ways..

really need His grace and strength.. aaaaaaaaah...

hmmmm.. im sitting here.. writing this now.. been really busy these few days.. haven't really thought about stuff.. well.. i guess my mood has gotten better.. i guess when im in groups i feel happier.. it's only sometimes when i'm alone that i start feeling it again.. oh well..

i guess i need to remember aunty ruby's words.. pray against bitterness.. and pray against depression.. there were definitely those times when i just sank into depression cos of what was happening.. but truly by God's grace.. He's given me alot of strength.. and desire to salvage the situation.. im sorry if this is sounding vague.. but there's really no way i can say more.. :|

hmmm.. yeah.. just read stuff bernie wrote.. hmm.. bernie!! be strong k? i still remember there were times i didn't feel like taking our dg too.. those years when we were having problems.. i even had thoughts of like handing the dg over to siyan.. but thank God i didn't.. if not i wouldn't have been able to see you wonderful gals thru! press on gal.. keep praying for them no matter how down you feel.. if you need anyone to help you or guide you i will try as much as i can! :)

as for the rest of the group.. im really sorry if i've been neglecting you guys.. esp mozi and grace!! ahhh!! haven't been able to talk to mozi and grace!! okay.. im hoping to spend more time with the three of you during church camp.. bernie, mozi and yiling.. heeee.. yupyup and my two imps amandie and rachie.. haha.. and carol!!

Colossians 3:13-14
" Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. "

today, i understood the true meaning of forgiveness, just have to put it into practise now. well.. i've been through a pretty rough time over the past two days.. hmm.. can't really share much to anyone at this point of time cos the whole situation's very sensitive.. yup.. i just thank God for jotham and aunty ruby.. who've really been supporting me thru everything.. and given me really good advice..

now i really appreciate the grace of God.. and how He can forgive us no matter how wretched we are.. i need to learn true forgiveness.. and that, for me is really difficult. this time, i cannot just say with my mouth that i forgive.. but i must really be convicted in my heart..

i guess i really need to trust God now.. and let Him bear all my burdens..

on a lighter note.. yes.. i went to sentosa with the sec4 gals on wednesday.. it was really fun.. and im as red as a lobster now. :)

To: you

perhaps u'll never see this.. perhaps one day you'll chance upon it.. i hope you will though so you will understand how i feel..

you have been someone i respected since i was young.. someone who taught me how to live.. someone i dearly loved and respected.. just someone really important in my life..

i dunno what got into you.. i dunno how things have turned out this way.. but you need to know how much hurt you've brought to my life.. how many nights i've spent crying.. how restricted i've been just to protect you.. and to protect the rest of us.. you have no idea how much trust i lost in you and how much it hurts.. at this point in time i really have no idea how things are gonna turn out.. and i feel really lost.. becoz of you..

i'm torn between hate and love.. i still love you because of everything you've done the past years..your love for me, your love for all of us.. but i hate you because of what you did. i hate you for causing so much hurt and pain and anger in my life, and in time, others..

help me, God..