dotty!

To: you

perhaps u'll never see this.. perhaps one day you'll chance upon it.. i hope you will though so you will understand how i feel..

you have been someone i respected since i was young.. someone who taught me how to live.. someone i dearly loved and respected.. just someone really important in my life..

i dunno what got into you.. i dunno how things have turned out this way.. but you need to know how much hurt you've brought to my life.. how many nights i've spent crying.. how restricted i've been just to protect you.. and to protect the rest of us.. you have no idea how much trust i lost in you and how much it hurts.. at this point in time i really have no idea how things are gonna turn out.. and i feel really lost.. becoz of you..

i'm torn between hate and love.. i still love you because of everything you've done the past years..your love for me, your love for all of us.. but i hate you because of what you did. i hate you for causing so much hurt and pain and anger in my life, and in time, others..

help me, God..