I'm finally home!!!!! :)

After 3 days at the "5-star hotel" in Changi.. (ie. Changi General Hospital).. heh. it's great to be home again. Had a really bad bout of food poisoning on Sunday which left me quite dehydrated, but i'm much better now.. though i still need lots of rest and less time on the com or walking around.

so well.. i'll blog about the hospital stay another time.. it was restful, i must say, although i got a little bored.

if i had things my way, i wish i could....

• walk, run, jump, swim without feeling tired
• stop being sick
  
• turn back time and set all things right..
  

:(

haha, Confucius is profound, or maybe it's the religion textbook authors..

"The Confucian approach to human relations uncovers an oddity about the phrase "fall in love". If love is something we fall into, it is something we can fall out of, too. But do we not want to say that true love is an active commitment to a person, not just a passive "undergoing" of emotions that overwhelm us? Jesus commanded love; but if love can be commanded, it must be an active rather than a passive approach. It does not just happen to us; we must will it. So it appears that true love is not what we are talking about when we speak of falling in love. The key point that Confucianism teaches us here is that the highest form of relating to another person- true love- is an active approach, a quality or virtue or act of will." -Religion textbook.

insightful huh? that's why i prefer the phrase "growing in love"

heh.. just scrapped my previous post. thought it was pretty pointless..

i just mused in the shower. i love taking long showers though it aggravates my asthma.. but somehow i realise many things about God and myself in the shower.

today in the shower, i mused about a rocky relationship. somehow, relationship issues always bring me back to my relationship with God.. because i've always held to the notion that relationships between a man and a woman mirror our relationship with God, though the latter definitely takes precedence.

as i mused and prayed.. i realised how much we take God for granted and how we use Him as an excuse sometimes to fulfil our own desires. so often, we use the phrase "thank God" and we go to God when we are facing dire circumstances.. but what struck me was this question: "is this what God wants of us? solely to be acknowledged by us in Name?" my reply to well.. the steam around me was "definitely not.." so often, we acknowledge God's hand in our lives but refuse to take time to listen to Him, spend time building a relationship with Him..

well, i'll be the first to admit that i'm so guilty of that. i still remember my conversation with wei'en a few weeks ago when i acknowledged God and shared that indeed, He has been faithful. but when asked about my prayer life, i had to confess that i was struggling.. i was and still am. after the sermon on prayer the other day, i felt led to wake up early every morning to pray for 2 hours.. but all my attempts failed. the snooze button on my phone is probably rusted and tainted by now.

i guess musings like that do demand a response. i don't know what made me suddenly want to blog about this.. maybe just to share and build up. so.. yep. back to GEK1045.

*phew* breathes a sigh of relief. my 2 terrorizing papers are over.

i am relieved and i can literally breathe a little easier now, though i still get bouts of difficulty, and i can feel the phlegm down my airways.

i think i seriously need to rest. physically rest. it's scary.. so as of now, i will stop drinking cold water, eating sweets and whatever could possibly constrict my bronchioles.

but i am still relieved. even though they kinda killed me today with the liver question, i am glad my patho and pharmaco papers are finally over.

i shall rest tonight..before i start fending for my remaining three modules. no one shall be allowed to disturb me....

haha, part of me thinks im dead meat for my patho exam.

i dont' know how i got here, but it was probably cos the past week, i've been thinking of 30 chapters of pharmaco, so i've been studying mostly that.. pretty slowly i must say. so when i gradually picked up on patho, i graduallyyyyyy realised there was lots to study. boy, did i freak out today.

but im tired now, with a headache. trying to get somemore stuff in.. just abit at least, so i won't have to finish so much tomorrow. maybe it's the fact that i have to write essays.. i get nervy at the thought of that.

aaaah! -pulls out hair- exam stress has gotten the better of me.

been a week since my last post. it's been a crazy past week, academically very challenging. we all kinda got killed by med chem and pharmaco, more so pharmaco. as i went through my beta-lactam antibiotics notes again today, i started counting the number of mistakes i made during the test. oops. heh..

but i've been pretty distracted. and i seriously need to shape up and study hard for the next 2 weeks.. ESPECIALLY the week leading up to the pharmaco paper, which well, that's next week. haha.

yeah, uni students need to multitask alright. my mind is full of studies, ministry, personal life. and part of me wants to sit back and relax. but that's a definite no-no till mid december after the youth camp, after which nobody shall touch me. (OK i do need to plan for SLR).

"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well."-Matthew 6:33

the house is so quiet now. :( i miss my parents in cameron and the guy who's somewhere around boston.

and i think i've had enough of pharmaco and med chem for awhile. heh.. work-overload.. bleah.

think its a major bout of PMS.

To everyone who's lost someone they love
Long before it was their time
You feel like the days you had were not enough
when you said goodbye

And to all of the people with burdens and pains
Keeping you back from your life
You believe that there's nothing and there is no one
Who can make it right

There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus

For the marriage that's struggling just to hang on
They lost all of their faith in love
They've done all they can to make it right again
Still it's not enough

For the ones who can't break the addictions and chains
You try to give up but you come back again
Just remember that you're not alone in your shame
And your suffering

When you're lonely
And it feels like the whole world is falling on you
You just reach out, you just cry out to Jesus
Cry to Jesus

To the widow who struggles with being alone
Wiping the tears from her eyes
For the children around the world without a home
Say a prayer tonight
- "Cry out to Jesus", Third Day

so much has happened over the past few weeks, like never before, but oh well, haven't really blogged about it..

right now im just exhausted. was feeling so tired in school today that i couldn't really concentrate during dfd test. so well, decided to take the night off to rest! :) hmm.. don't really want to gripe and complain here, so i shall leave it as that. much to thank God for, and much to continue praying for as well..

Where are You? Where are you?

i just got home from project discussion. everyone's out now.. janice, mandy and sarah are at vivo city (and i wanna go too!!!), huixian and peiru are somewhere around too.. but i can't join them cos im sick. :( argh. utterly exhausted and aching all over. the past few weeks have been a nightmare.. but im glad for this short break! heh.. there's only presentation and my 3 lab reports to do tomorrow.. then i can relax abit, before everything starts again. gotta catch up on metabolism for med chem...

woooooooo.. im so tired.

interesting article.

Be it in a quiet pasture
Or by a gentle stream
The Shepherd of my soul is by my side

Should I face a mighty mountain
Or a valley dark and deep
The Shepherd of my soul is by my side

"Lord renew my mind, as Your will unfolds in my life
In living everyday, by the power of Your love."

"i've reached a point where i can only take 1 day @ a time .. anything more than that is too scary..." -quote from a friend.
my sentiments exactly. heh.

while reading the chapter on Rahab in John Macarthur's "Twelve Extraordinary Women", i came across this biblical account:

"Now before they lay down, she came up to them on the roof, and said to the men: "I know that the Lord has given you the land, that the terror of you has fallen on us, and that all the inhabitants of the land are fainthearted because of you. For we have heard how the Lord dried up the water of the Red Sea for you when you came out of Egypt, and what you did to the two kings of the Amorites who were on the other side of the Jordan, Sihon and Og, whom you utterly destroyed. And as soon as we heard these things, our hearts melted; neither did there remain any more courage in anyone because of you, for the Lord your God, He is God in heaven above and on earth beneath..."
- Joshua 2: 8-11

it struck me because the people living in Jericho then, Rahab included, feared the Lord, feared the prowess of our God. just by hearing what God had done to save and deliver the Israelites time and again, made them fear.. made their hearts melt. and when i read the passage, somehow i myself was struck with that same fear of God plus an additional sense of awe. somehow, the eyes of my heart were opened to the immeasurable greatness of an all-powerful God.

in Rahab's case, the fear in her led to what she did in faith, knowing that the God of the Israelites was God above all. it linked me back to the verse in Proverbs, The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Rahab's fear of God led her to do something wise, in faith that the almighty God of Israel would protect her.

it led me to think about myself. what is my vision and understanding of God? do i fear Him enough to take steps of faith in obedience to Him like Rahab did? what should the fear of the Lord even look like?

"THE STILLNESS OF A SILENT SOUND

Sometimes we think we are doing well, but our hearts may be full of sin.
And little will we know how much until we get alone with Him.
Until we are able to get past the noisy questions of the head,
Until our "self" with all its claims is laid before the Lord as dead

How can we hear God's still small voice with music blaring in our ears,
Or know the peace the Spirit brings, the touch that calms our inner fears?
Until we are willing to shut out the noisiness of life around -
Willing to wait until we know the "stillness of a silent sound".

We are afraid to get too still, for in those quiet moments we
Will have to face just what we are, something we might not like to see.
The attitudes that grieve our Lord, the pride, the failures, how we have been -
But that is why we need so much those silent times "


these words spoke right to my heart when i saw them. how true right? got it from a friend's blog.. but i don't know who wrote this.. don't know if he does either. so.. to whoever you are, hope you don't mind. :)

and so the term break is finally here!

i haven't blogged much the past few weeks. but it's fine.. i'm fine! been pretty busy, with an average of one test a week. but i survived the past three weeks, thank God.
been thinking alot, reading alot, playing the piano quite abit, studying LOTS, watching funny videos online and listening to podcasts, hanging around in the pharmacy room.. attending and chairing meetings here and there.. that pretty much sums it up.

this term break's gonna be a busy one though. two projects and a term paper to finish.. a few upcoming tests to study for.. and i've quite a lot of books and articles i want to read. so.. that's it for now i guess.. i don't really know why i updated.. maybe cos everyone keeps asking how i am. had a few quotes i wanted to blog about.. but not just yet i guess.

in the middle of the night, while taking a breather from my lab reports, i visited the MGS webpage.

this made me cry.

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."-Proverbs 31: 30

that's what matters, doesn't it..

heh.. it's amazing what a mere half an hour on the piano after dinner can do.. i feel so much more refreshed now after one long tiring day at school. came up with my own jazz rendition of "lead me to calvary" (though it was purely hitting on all the 7ths and 9ths i could possibly hit) and spent some time doing technical stuff. i realise my fingers have gone rather rusty..

pharmaco test tomorrow. oh well.. i'll see how that goes.. maybe i should spend some time during term break composing music to drug names! then maybe i'd be able to remember them better.. :>

but thank God.. really thank God He's kept me.. and that i'm not feeling terribly depressed by the pile of work that's mercilessly waiting for me.. and that i'm not feeling so bogged down by things..

"lest i forget Thine love for me,
lead me to calvary."

"THe Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance but the Lord looks at the heart."-1 Samuel 16: 7b

You really know my heart, Lord. Thank You.

hmmm.. PRETTY interesting...

the Questioner Thanks for taking the test !

you chose CY - your Enneagram type is SIX. "I am affectionate and skeptical" Questioners are responsible, trustworthy, and value loyalty to family, friends, groups, and causes. Their personalities range broadly from reserved and timid to outspoken and confrontative. How to Get Along with Me Be direct and clear. Listen to me carefully. Don't judge me for my anxiety. Work things through with me. Reassure me that everything is OK between us. Laugh and make jokes with me. Gently push me toward new experiences. Try not to overreact to my overreacting. What I Like About Being a Six being committed and faithful to family and friends being responsible and hardworking being compassionate toward others having intellect and wit being a nonconformist confronting danger bravely being direct and assertive What's Hard About Being a Six the constant push and pull involved in trying to make up my mind procrastinating because of fear of failure; having little confidence in myself fearing being abandoned or taken advantage of exhausting myself by worrying and scanning for danger wishing I had a rule book at work so I could do everything right being too critical of myself when I haven't lived up to my expectations Sixes as Children Often are friendly, likable, and dependable, and/or sarcastic, bossy, and stubborn are anxious and hypervigilant; anticipate danger form a team of "us against them" with a best friend or parent look to groups or authorities to protect them and/or question authority and rebel are neglected or abused, come from unpredictable or alcoholic families, and/or take on the fearfulness of an overly anxious parent Sixes as Parents are often loving, nurturing, and have a strong sense of duty are sometimes reluctant to give their children independence worry more than most that their children will get hurt sometimes have trouble saying no and setting boundaries Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele The Enneagram Made Easy Discover the 9 Types of People Harper SanFrancisco, 1994, 161 pages Monday, August 28, 2006 "O let the Son of God enfold you with His spirit and His love, let Him fill your heart and satisfy your soul O let Him have the things that hold you and His Spirit like a dove will descend upon your life and make you whole..." many things on my heart, but i'll just post this verse up as a personal reminder to myself. 1 Thess 5:16-18 Wednesday, August 09, 2006 went for the wake yesterday. the whole experience was so mixed. after paying our respects, we sat down and remembered our sec4 days with her. how we dreaded tuesdays cos we had 5 periods of chem plus chem pract. and how we used to piss our physics teacher off cos we would start getting ready for chem pract during our physics lesson.. how mel would scurry off to other classes in search of a proper OHP before every chem lesson (and how other classes would so willingly lend it to us the moment they heard she wanted it). so many other memories (entry on 8/8)of her that we reminisced and laughed about. yet, all of us felt the loss, and the pain that came along with it. i regretted not going back to see her last year, knowing her health was deteriorating. i'd taken for granted that she'd always be at MG and i could drop by anytime to see her. i realized also, during the national day prayer service yesterday, that God had used her, even though she refused to accept Him then, to demonstrate to us MG girls what love is. the strongest and most dedicated teacher i've ever known. she never missed a day of school during my time at MG, and she gave us what we needed, not what we wanted. she never minced her words with us, gave it to us good and proper. yet, it was out of a desire to see her students grow in humility. she would always remind us to be humble and hardworking, not "yaya papayas".. she told us that if ever we were stressed, we could come back to look for her and she'd take us to eat fish. now she's gone.. and i miss her dearly. Monday, August 07, 2006 "Because it isn't just concerts and surfing and the high points, and it isn't just the beautiful moments in the midst of the everyday and mundane; It is also in the tragic and the gut-wrenching moments when we cannot escape the simple fact that there is way more going on around us than we realize." -Velvet Elvis, Rob Bell i have no idea why, but this paragraph got to me as i was reading the book. life.. reality at its rawest. having just received news about the passing on of someone whom i've always held in high regard; someone who initially was the object of our fear, but as time passed, became a person we so deeply respected, someone whose stories and remarks we used to laugh and joke about repeatedly, someone whom i've always brought before the Lord, in the hope that He would save her. i'm still living in hope that she's gone home, and not anywhere else. Tuesday, August 01, 2006 23072006. finally.. been trying to get these photos up in days. time is flying relentlessly.. Monday, July 17, 2006 wanted to blog, but my mind is muddled up. maybe tomorrow... Saturday, July 15, 2006 tired and weary -- i definitely understand the meaning of those two words. Wednesday, July 05, 2006 reading blogs is so interesting.. quite a few of the pharm ppl have been blogging about preceptorship. i guess im not much of an exception. been so tired lately.. sometimes i'm so tired i have no appetite.. and other times, i'm so tired i have such a big appetite. heh.. indecisive stomach i have! having to stand up quite alot when im working makes me appreciate sitting down.. and having to wear covered shoes makes me appreaciate being able to wear slippers everywhere else i go. haha.. but it's not too bad. i don't mind what i'm doing now, just that i get pretty nervous when im blur and do silly things.. like foul up at the cash register or forget where certain items are placed.. etc etc etc. and at the end of the day, i like to lie down and dream that my aching body and legs are being massaged. hahaha.. that's working life.. for me. Thursday, June 29, 2006 4 days into attachment.. and my feet are aching! but it's been quite interesting. learning to do alot of things, like using the cashier, pricing of goods, filling up forms, cash declaration.. etc etc. i've been looking around at all the different medicinal products as well. so many products with the same active ingredients, which one to recommend? that was what got me yesterday, cos someone asked me for medicine for cough and cold. and then i realised there were 2 shelves full of those. !!!!! but in the end, the PA came to my rescue.. heh been reading proverbs these few days before work.. and it's been really helpful. helps me to get my focus and my attitude right before i start each day. "Let not your heart envy sinners, but continue in the fear of the Lord all the day." -Proverbs 23:17 Sunday, June 25, 2006 tomorrow, tomorrow! heh.. i think my holidays are as good as over. 6 weeks of preceptorship, after which i have another 1 week to prepare for school, then school really starts again. hmm.. but the past few weeks have been great. joses coming back.. church camp.. preparation for youth sunday.. thank God. Wednesday, June 14, 2006 hmmm... yesterday we went for a walk in the park. best kinda weather to take photos! and so we did.. of the flowers... and the trees.... and.... weeeeeeee!!!! hmm.. ok that was pretty random. wanted to post up pictures of church camp and the KL trip, but i don't really have a wide enough range to make a collage yet. :) Tuesday, May 30, 2006 this is one of my weaknesses. "There sits Simon so foolishly wise Proudly he's tending his nets Then Jesus calls and the boats drift away And all that he owns he forgets But more than the nets he abandoned that day He found that his pride was soon drifting away And it's hard to imagine the freedom we find From the things we leave behind Matthew was mindful of taking the tax And pressing the people to pay But hearing the call he responded in faith And followed the Light and the Way And leaving the people so puzzled he found The greed in his heart was no longer around And it's hard to imagine the freedom we find From the things we leave behind Every heart needs to be set free From possessions that hold it so tight 'Cause freedom's not found in the things that we own It's the power to do what is right With Jesus, our only possession Then giving becomes our delight And we can't imagine the freedom we find From the things we leave behind We show a love for the world in our lives By worshipping goods we possess When Jesus says, Lay all your treasures aside And love God above all the rest 'Cause when we say no to the things of the world We open our hearts to the love of the Lord And it's hard to imagine the freedom we find From the things we leave behind." -Things we leave behind, Michael Card Monday, May 29, 2006 what i've been thinking about lately: "May my life declare the honour of Your Name, reveal the heart of Christ who came to light the darkest place with sacrificial love. Cause me Lord to reach out in the Father's Name, to glorify the Lamb once slain to light the darkest place with sacrificial love. Teach me Lord, to make my life as an offering, to tell the world that Jesus Christ is King for the glory of God." -May my life, Dave Bilbrough the past week has been kinda hectic.. thinking about youth sunday, daily prayer meetings, newcomers party.. and an almost-surprise. heh! now i'm just wondering how my pharm friends are doing at their respective pharmacies... Monday, May 22, 2006 "From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea, Creation's revealing Your majesty. From the colors of fall to the fragrance of spring, Every creature unique in the song that it sings. All exclaiming... Indescribable, Uncontainable, You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name. You are amazing God. All powerful, Untameable, Awestruck we fall to our knees and we humbly proclaim, You are amazing God. Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go, Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow? Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light, Yet conceals it to give us the coolness of night? None can fathom... Incomparable, Unchangeable, You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same. You are amazing God." -Indescribable, Chris Tomlin Sunday, May 21, 2006 haha.. how time flies. i think it was exactly a year ago that we organized CSI:SG. now, one year later, things have changed so much. it was a tiring day today.. the sermon really struck me. especially the part about prayer. prayer.. not just about being crafted out beautifully, but prayer, out of holy desperation and of deepest surrender and dependence on God. that is when God's hand moves.. i realised that i haven't been praying enough. i've been taking prayer for granted. i mean, when you think about it. the greatest privilege given to mankind.. to commune with the God of all things, and yet i pass on such a privilege and would rather turn my attention to other things. yeah.. we all need to pray more, individually and as a church... Lord we humbly come before You we don't deserve of You what we ask but we long to see Your glory restore this dying land Monday, May 15, 2006 "Are you tired of chasing pretty rainbows? Are you tired of spinning round and round? Wrap up all those shattered dreams of your life And at the feet of Jesus, lay them down. Give them all, give them all, give them all to Jesus Shattered dreams, wounded hearts, and broken toys. Give them all, give them all, give them all to Jesus And He will turn your sorrows into joy. He never said you only see sunshine, He never said there would be no rain. He only promised a heart full of singing About the very thing that once brought pain." -Give Them All Monday, May 08, 2006 heh.. post-exam days have been spent rather enjoyably. (if there's even a word) i've been running around pigging out quite abit, started on a new book, got meself a haircut! went shopping with my mum today (surprise surprise!) and been surfing funny websites.. (guess my recent favourite) well, i still got alot to accomplish this hols.. wanna finish reading the NT by the end of May.. and start on OT by June.. lots more books to read, gotta think more about the worship team and youth sunday, my mentoring girls and the DGLs, and i NEED to pack my room! seriously need to throw stuff, get rid of the mess on the floor and what not. and i need more exercise! more badminton and swimming and running! :)and yeah, i wanna meet up with everyone.. it's been such a long time. GB-ers, MGS ppl.. my JC class.. etc. haha, on a more serious note, as i was shopping today, i realised i was unconsciously thinking this: "if only i had.... if only i had... " then i stopped myself cos this phrase came to me: godliness with contentment is great gain. then i started wondering what it meant to be content. i thought about being totally satisfied next time in God's presence. and i was reminded that next time, i will be contented not with everything i wanted, but everything i needed. and well, everything i need is God. that's all. and i will be solely content with that! wow! i can't wait to live in total contentment.. for eternity. Sunday, May 07, 2006 "Make me a channel of Your peace, Where there is hatred, let me bring Your love, Where there is injury, Your pardon Lord, And where there's doubt, true faith in You. Make me a channel of Your peace, Where there's despair in life let me bring hope, Where there is darkness - only light, And where there's sadness, ever joy. Oh Master, grant that I may never seek, So much to be consoled as to console, To be understood, as to understand, To be loved, as to love with all my soul Make me a channel of Your peace, It is in pardoning that we are pardoned, In giving to all men that we receive, And in dying that we're born to eternal life." Friday, May 05, 2006 one of my favourite jay chou songs. Sunday, April 30, 2006 sunset in the face of looming thunderstorm, i took this from the balcony outside my room. amazing eh? Wednesday, April 26, 2006 heh.. i know im supposed to be working at microB now.. but im feeling quite sian. just done with one paper a few hours ago, and im lying on my back with the laptop on my stomach typing this. 2 more days till the end of exams. well, there's still top 90 drugs test next week, but at least the worst is over (ie. pharmaco). ok maybe i haven't seen microB yet. hahaha.. but on the hindsight.. thank God for bringing me thru this period. it's really been a week where i've had to leave everything in His hands and keep moving. ok, just for entertainment's sake.. this is what three bored people came up with in the eusoff hall study room today: now.. guess their identities! Saturday, April 22, 2006 what i learnt from the analysis paper 1. doesn't matter whether you know how a radical jumps from molecule to molecule, as long as you don't know validation, you're done for. 2. it's abit of a waste of time. what i learnt from pharmaco 1. you can mug all sem, but if you don't go thru everything the night before, you're also done for. 2. a tired celine = a very grumpy celine im gonna sleep.. Thursday, April 20, 2006 :( im going crazy crazy crazy... there's too much information to squeeze into my head! think i already got all the drug names mixed up. argh.. and im gonna need to keep at this for the next week and a half. i need an enlarged brain. Sunday, April 16, 2006 "Long ago He blessed the earth Born older than the years; And in the stall the cross He saw through the first of many tears. A life of homeless wandering, Cast out in sorrow's way, The Shepherd seeking for the lost; His life the price He paid Love crucified arose, The risen One in splendour, Jehovah's sole defender, Has won the victory. Love crucified arose, And the grave became a place of hope, For the heart that sin and sorrow broke, Is beating once again. Throughout Your life You felt the weight Of what You'd come to give; To drink for us that crimson cup So we might really live. At last the time to love and die The dark appointed day That one forsaken moment when Your Father turned His face away. Love crucified arose The One who lived and died for me, Was satan's nail-pierced casualty Now He's breathing once again. Love crucified arose And the grave became a place of hope, For the heart that sin and sorrow broke, Is beating once again." -Love crucified arose, Michael Card How long, O Lord.. how long? Thursday, April 13, 2006 "King of my life, I crown Thee now, Thine shall Thy glory be, Lest I forget Thy thorn-crowned brow Lead me to calvary. Lest I forget Gethsemane, Lest I forget Thine angony Lest I forget Thine love for me Lead me to Calvary. Show me the tomb where Thou was laid Tenderly mourned and wept Angels in robes of light arrayed Guarded Thee whilst Thou slept. Lest I forget Gethsemane, Lest I forget Thine agony Lest I forget Thine love for me Lead me to Calvary. Let me like Mary, through the gloom Come with a gift to Thee; Show to me now the empty tomb Lead me to Calvary. Lest I forget Gethsemane, Lest I forget Thine agony Lest I forget Thine love for me Lead me to Calvary. May I be willing, Lord to bear; Daily my cross for Thee. Even Thy cup of grief to share, Thou hast borne all for me. Lest I forget Gethsemane, Lest I forget Thine agony Lest I forget Thine love for me Lead me to Calvary." spent some time playing the piano after lunch. i miss expressing myself to God through music. Sunday, April 09, 2006 love song. Friday, April 07, 2006 *phew* here i am.. at the end of one of the longest days in the semester.. feeling like a stone. the day was really long.. first time in my life i had three tests in a row, one after the other. i had to switch modes continuously. but thankfully, psych and sdl weren't that bad. it was pharmaco that killed. by then, my brain was kinda fried anyway. heh.. and i guessed even though it was negative marking! couldn't help it.. :s anyway, i am gonna study less over the weekend. really need the break.. need to prepare for presentation on wednesday and microB tutorial on tuesday.. but generally that's all im gonna do, plus draw up my study schedule for exams. then monday i'll go full steam. heh.. i hope!!!! and yah.. i ended up not going for that birthday party! but we did end up at holland v for dinner. haha.. but well, it was a good time catching up. tired. im refuse to type anymore... Wednesday, April 05, 2006 -Jesus take the wheel, Carrie Underwood " 9 How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to Your word. 10 I seek You with all my heart; do not let me stray from Your commands. 11 I have hidden Your word in my heart that I might not sin against You. 12 Praise be to You, O LORD; teach me Your decrees. 13 With my lips I recount all the laws that come from Your mouth. 14 I rejoice in following Your statutes as one rejoices in great riches. 15 I meditate on Your precepts and consider Your ways. 16 I delight in Your decrees; I will not neglect Your word." -Psalms 119: 9-16 Tuesday, April 04, 2006 "But you, dear friends, build yourselves up in your most holy faith and pray in the Holy Spirit. Keep yourselves in God's love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you to eternal life." -Jude 20-21 Sunday, April 02, 2006 The Five Love Languages My primary love language is probably Quality Time with a secondary love language being Words of Affirmation. Complete set of results Quality Time: 9 Words of Affirmation: 8 Physical Touch: 6 Acts of Service: 4 Receiving Gifts: 3 Information Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others. Take the quiz "Over every thought over every word may my life reflect the beauty of my Lord cos You mean more to me than any earthly thing so won't You reign in me again?" Saturday, April 01, 2006 and they bully my favourite dog. (besides my own, that is) -photo taken by yin haha.. and im sitting here, about to start work again. missed my friend's birthday party cos i have 5 tests this week. and lots of work left to do. but anyhow, this week was an interesting week. take for example, the fact that i foolishly mishandled my ditch-filled agar plate and ended up having no bacterial growth in one plate during my microB pract test. sigh.. but at least i could account for that. and yesterday morning on the way to school, peiru and i were playing hide-and-seek. she got off the mrt, thinking i was waiting for her at the station. and i got on the mrt, thinking she was gonna look for me in the train!! and we did it twice in a row!! horrors!! by the time we found each other, we were at city hall i think. :s and yeah, both of us had gotten on 3 mrts. just for a single trip to buona vista.. oops! yeah, but there's really lots to thank God for. i thought i wouldn't be able to get past this week, but i did. and i guess i will for the coming week too.. 5 tests await me! after that i have another birthday party... heh. i hope mr lee ah mat drives. Sunday, March 26, 2006 haha. yes.. this has been the most memorable birthday of my life. ironically, i wasn't expecting much. haha.. but yeah.. thanks all of you! it really really made my day.. from the flowers to the three little "robbers" squatting outside my gate.. to the brownie saga and the surprise party, to washing my car! it was really really memorable. i should take and steal some pictures soon! :) oh oh! and something really memorable that happened was that when i was driving home, i saw a rainbow! right in front of my field of vision! really beautiful.. really felt the wonder of God's creation and His love for me then. really amazing.. :) Thursday, March 23, 2006 "When the oceans rise and thunders roar, I will soar with You above the storm, Father You are King over the flood, I will be still, know You are God." Wednesday, March 22, 2006 good stuff. his singing's good. i've only one word to describe myself at this point of time: restless. Tuesday, March 21, 2006 my new motto till the end of sem: whenever you find yourself very free, go and study! well, i don't think i'll be finding myself very free nowadays to start with! but still, it's a good rule to abide by. at least for now.. heh.. been thinking alot the past few days. but yeah.. they've been quite messy and random. sometimes i'll think about work, sometimes other things. i wish i had sorters to sort my thoughts and place them in their respective files. :) and while we're at it, an alarm too which goes off whenever i think wrong thoughts.. hahaha.. ok.. im rambling. it's just pre-work inertia.. Friday, March 17, 2006 just got home from cycling! it was good.. just taking a break. left everything at home and i cycled to east coast park with bryan. we stopped by bedok jetty for awhile. stood there looking up at the stars and stoning at the waves. haha.. i remembered what i learnt from my qt a few days ago.. "even the wind and the waves obey Him".. yup. all in all, was a good time. sharing.. cycling.. dragging the bike across the bridge. haha. when i think abt this week, the stuff that lingered most in my mind was the humongous sushi buffet we had yesterday and our tried and tested theory on snorting, the horribly disgusting smell of e.coli when we were disposing of our microB specimens today in lab, pharmaco lab and rabbit intestines, and the aunty at the microB lab telling laiyi to be careful when disposing of the bacteria, lest he spill some on one of our heads.. eek. that's it. i can't remember anything else.. haha. except that after next wk, i have many long weeks coming up ahead. somehow, i am always reminded of that whenever i go for microB.. cos she'll remind us that we have 3 presentations and at the end there's always a short quiz. not forgetting our pract test. heh.. *whines* just now, my parents were really funny. they were showing me this aquamarine pendant they got for me for my birthday, cos apparently that's my birthstone. then my mum said.. "i wanted to get you a diamond, but it was too expensive." then i asked.. "huh? why? i don't need it what." and she replied simply "cos diamonds are a girl's best friend" haha.. day to day ramblings in the tan household. Tuesday, March 14, 2006 did you ever talk to God above tell Him that you need a friend to love pray in Jesus' Name believing that God answers prayer have you told Him all your cares and woes every tiny little fear He knows you can know He'll always hear and He will answer prayer you can whisper in a crowd to Him you can cry when you're alone to Him you don't have to pray out loud to Him He knows your thoughts on a lofty mountain peak He's there in a meadow by a stream He's there anywhere on earth you go, He's been there from the start find the answer in His Word it's true you'll be strong because He walks with you by His faithfulness He'll change you too God answers prayer... Sunday, March 12, 2006 "You knew this day at my creation You knew my life from birth Though I ran from You You never took Your eyes off me You shine Your light into my presence To reveal Your faithfulness I'll run this race all of my days Till I see Your face On that day, when I walk down this aisle I know my King will be waiting for me On that day, in that heavenly place, The angels sing the beautiful Name of the Lord... -The Groom and His bride this is half of the song my cousin wrote for his wedding day. it brought me very close to tears when he sang it just now. i was reminded of Christ's second coming, and the hope i had to have.. but more than that.. it was a testimony of God's work in the life of my cousin. the amazing lifechange in a person i've known all my life. i just felt so overwhelmed. seeing how he uses his talents for God's glory.. the way he loves God, his wife and family so much.. the way he serves so fervently at the workplace and in church. a few years ago, i wouldn't have even thought i'd be witnessing all these things. maybe it was also God reminding me of His faithfulness and His ability to accomplish the impossible. sigh.. spent quite some time talking to my uncle and cousin before and during the wedding dinner as well. both shared quite alot with me today. maybe that's it.. maybe God uses suffering and struggling to mould us and bring us closer to Him.. to constantly remind us to trust in Him. i've never really felt like i needed to struggle so much before.. it's been so tiring, sometimes i just feel like giving up. but yeah.. i shouldn't.. i wish you came today. it's been such a long time. Saturday, March 11, 2006 this is rather alarming. source: michelle's friend "Praise You God of earth and sky How beautiful is Your unfailing love, Your unfailing love And You never change God You remain, The Holy One My unfailing love, unfailing love" -Unfailing love, Chris Tomlin Friday, March 10, 2006 really thank God for the time i spent with you guys tonight. somehow i felt better after sharing.. and after praying. thanks so much. sigh.. it's been a long week. Sunday, March 05, 2006 'Then I saw a new heaven a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and He will live with them. They will be His people, and God Himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."'- Revelations 21: 1-4 already but not quite yet. i can't wait for the finish. Friday, March 03, 2006 oh HO HO HO.. the week's finally over. i'm currently in an i-need-to-study-but-im-terribly-sleepy mood. was quite a long and tiring week. and i have tests coming up in the weeks to come. but lab on wednesday made me feel better cos for the first time in my twenty-nearing-twenty-one years of existence, my lab results were rather accurate! i actually got a straight line calibration graph. ok.. that might not have seemed like a big deal, but for one who's had a tiring and rather gloomy week, that uh.. meant alot! haha.. pharm bazaar: we all went for body fat analysis.. haha.. everyone was so amazed that for someone my size, i actually had that amount of body fat in me. heh. ok.. time to get started on work. Saturday, February 25, 2006 "So if i stand, let me stand on the promise that You will pull me through And if i can't, let me fall on the grace that first brought me to You And if i sing, let me sing for the joy that has born in me these songs And if i weep, let it be as a man who is longing for his home." -If i stand, Rich Mullins Thursday, February 23, 2006 i never had such a productive term break in my four semesters here in NUS so far! OK, so i did set out to accomplish more, but i think this is as much as i can accomplish. i'm still barely started on my pharm module notes, haven't read up on pharm pract tutorial 2, totally not prepared for my microB tutorial tomorrow and i have yet to get organised and start studying for other tests.. but at least my psych's on track, i've finished my drug info. write-up, more or less done with my SDL and pharm analysis project, done with my psych RPs as well! that's some stuff off my shoulder for now, although there's more to come. grrrrr... determination.. that's what i need! Tuesday, February 21, 2006 i realise i haven't really blogged in quite awhile. probably cos i've been so busy and my mind has been rather consumed with work and stuff that needs to be done. yeah. but thank God for the midsemester break. this morning has gotten off to a very slow start. but i'm quite enjoying myself. woke up at 11 (gasp!) and spent quite awhile talking to my mum. through the conversation, i was reminded again and again that yeah.. i really need to spend more time in prayer.. just read through the last few chapters of hebrews. and as i read through from chapters 9 - 13.. i experienced a vast array of emotion. hadn't felt like that in a long time. it was quite amazing, reading about how Christ came as high priest of the good things that are already here and how He entered the Most Holy Place once for all by His own blood, and through the eternal Spirit offered Himself unblemished to God and cleansed our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living God. somehow this reminded me of my purpose in life. i am saved so that i may serve Him, not so that i can simply live out my life in routine. chapters 10 and 11 reminded me of the hope i had in a faithful God, and it was a reminder once again to live as aliens and strangers on this earth, and to look forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God. the eternal vs. the temporal. it really is a struggle at times to cling on to the temporal, instead of continually looking toward the eternal. but yeah.. i really look forward to the day when we are all made perfect in God and He is glorified because we're totally satisfied in Him. there's really so much more that encouraged me as i read hebrews. and it was so refreshing. i think i've been so tired lately that i've hardly let the Word speak into my life. i need to slooooooooooooow down.. life is going too fast for me to catch up! Monday, February 13, 2006 "During the days of Jesus' life on earth, He offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the One who could save Him from death and He was heard because of His reverent submission. Although He was a son, He learned obedience from what He suffered, and once made perfect, He became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey Him and was designated by God to be high priest in the order of Melchizedek." - Hebrews 5: 7-10 wow. Saturday, February 11, 2006 "there is a higher throne than all this world has known where faithful ones from every tongue will one day come before the Son they'll stand made faultless through the lamb believing hearts find promised grace Salvation comes hear heaven's voices sing their thunderous anthem ring through emerald courts and sapphire skies their praises rise All glory wisdom power strength thanks and honour are to God our King, who reigns on high forevermore and there we'll find our home our life before the throne we'll honour Him in perfect song where we belong He'll wipe each tear-stained eye as thirst and hunger die the lamb becomes our Shepherd King we'll reign with Him" Thursday, February 09, 2006 "For surely it is not angels He helps, but Abraham's descendants. For this reason, He had to be made like His brothers in every way, in order that He might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that He might make atonement for the sins of the people. Because He Himself suffered when He was tempted, He is able to help those who are being tempted."-Hebrews 2: 16-18 Wednesday, February 08, 2006 sigh.. maybe stomach flu is God's way of telling me to treasure the food around me. after having to stick to plain porridge and not more than 2 slices of bread per meal, give me anything and i'd gladly down it. bread seriously never tasted so good! i don't recall ever looking forward to having bread for breakfast. but hey.. today i did. i guess that's also a sign that i'm recovering.. hunger pangs! thank God. :) heh.. have learnt not to take even sitting up or walking around for granted either. after yesterday's traumatic experience of not being able to sit or walk for more than 10 minutes without my stomach and back screaming in pain, it reeaaaaaally feels wonderful being able to sit up and do lab reports, and blog! well.. i guess the pace of life accelerates again once i return to school tomorrow, having missed two lectures and two practs.. but i've already planned out what i want to feast on once i get well! (and selfishly hidden my favourite chocolate cake so the rest can't finish it on my behalf.. heh) Saturday, February 04, 2006 gonna stick in one post before i run off to meet yiling! there's this silly bird stuck in my brother's room right now! initially the door was closed and it was trying to find its way out unsuccessfully. kinda kept knocking itself against the door repeatedly. (i'm still trying to figure out how it got in there in the first place!) and so i made my way inside to open the balcony door to release the poor bird. (sparrow, i think) however, as i approached it, i guess it got scared of me and flew upwards towards the glass window. (which can't be opened) up till now, i can still hear it chirping away, fluttering its wings and knocking repeatedly against the window. i tried to direct it out by getting its attention and pointing the way out through the door. but i guess it thinks im trying to catch it and have bird stew for dinner. sigh. so i stood there gazing at it, feeling pretty helpless. the little birdie took a rest as well and sat on the window sill staring back at me. i suddenly remembered these lyrics.. "...Yet He feeds the poor sparrows, and He knows when they fall..." then i asked God to guide it out of the door.. and went back to my room to get changed. poor bird. it'll find its way out sooner or later. the other lyrics of the same song came to mind though. i sat there for awhile, reflecting on them, thanking God for who He is and His repeated reassurance that He cares for me. :) "Our God is far greater, than words can make known Exalted and holy, He reigns on His throne In infinite splendour, He rules over all Yet He feeds the poor sparrows and He knows when they fall. His power is great and will ever endure, His wisdom is peaceable, gentle, and pure. But greater than all these glories I see, Is the glorious promise that He cares for me." "More love to Thee, O Christ, More love to Thee Hear Thou the prayer I make, on bended knee; This is my earnest plea: More love, O Christ to Thee, More love to Thee, More love to Thee" Saturday, January 28, 2006 chinese new year eve. my cousin came over to join us for dinner today. he has a rather lopsided haircut i must say. :) well, but dinner was livelier cos he had quite a lot of stories to tell us! my dad bought a bone for fifi. he started chewing happily after we gave it to him and behaved as though we were non-existent. *grumbles* and when we tried to take it away, he'd growl at us! heh.. well, at least it was easier to shoo him back into the kitchen after dinner and take sneaky pictures with him. ;) sneaky shots! Thursday, January 26, 2006 "Heart worship does not defy art worship, for heart worship will give rise to new levels of art which will have tremendous significance. Orders of service will not generate worship, but they can give corporate expression meaningful direction. Beautiful aesthetic surroundings will not generate God-centered worship, but the worshipping heart can take wings in a beautiful setting. Tremendous musical composition and performance cannot create heart worship, but this can give worship expression unlike any language known to man. Art with the proper attitude can be a great expression; but it must begin with a heart in fellowship with God." -Worship, Rediscovering the Missing Jewel Wednesday, January 25, 2006 ever since i passed my driving test and started getting more experience driving alone, i've always been uptight being a passenger in another person's car. a few mornings ago, my dad gave me a lift to lavender and as usual, i got all jittery when he drove too close to the car in front or went too fast. then this thought suddenly came to mind: "why must you always be in control? why can't you learn to let go?" i made a conscious decision to let go then, and ended up enjoying the rest of my car ride. maybe that's what i need to do with my life. Friday, January 06, 2006 "We waste our lives when we do not pray and think and dream and plan and work toward magnifying God in all spheres of life. God created us for this: to live our lives in a way that makes Him look more like the greatness and the beauty and the infinite worth that He really is. In the night sky of this world God appears to most people, if at all, like a pinprick of light in a heaven of darkness. But He created us and called us to make Him look like what He really is. This is what it means to be created in the image of God. We are meant to image forth in the world what He is really like." -don't waste your life, John Piper i gazed up into the clear night sky last night. there were so many stars.. it was really beautiful. what i read in the morning came back to me. the heavens shall declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of His hands. what about me? have i been declaring Your glory the way You want me to? Wednesday, January 04, 2006 came across this while i was doing my qt just now. i dunno why. it just struck me as such a beautiful passage. "Beyond all question, the mystery of godliness is great: He appeared in a body, was vindicated by the Spirit, was seen by angels, was preached among the nations, was believed on in the world, was taken up in glory." - 1 Timothy 3:16 i don't yet fully understand it though. Subscribe to: Posts (Atom) Blog Archive ►  2008 (15) ►  December (1) ►  September (1) ►  June (1) ►  May (1) ►  April (3) ►  March (2) ►  February (4) ►  January (2) ►  2007 (104) ►  December (8) ►  November (6) ►  October (10) ►  September (14) ►  August (15) ►  July (4) ►  June (13) ►  May (19) ►  April (8) ►  March (3) ►  February (1) ►  January (3) ▼  2006 (83) ▼  December (4) I'm finally home!!!!! :)After 3 days at the "5-sta... if i had things my way, i wish i could....walk, ru... haha, Confucius is profound, or maybe it's the rel... heh.. just scrapped my previous post. thought it w... ►  November (6) *phew* breathes a sigh of relief. my 2 terrorizing... haha, part of me thinks im dead meat for my patho ... been a week since my last post. it's been a crazy ... the house is so quiet now. :( i miss my parents in... To everyone who's lost someone they loveLong befor... so much has happened over the past few weeks, like... ►  October (5) Where are You? Where are you? i just got home from project discussion. everyone'... interesting article. Be it in a quiet pastureOr by a gentle streamThe S... "Lord renew my mind, as Your will unfolds in my li... ►  September (8) while reading the chapter on Rahab in John Macarth... "THE STILLNESS OF A SILENT SOUNDSometimes we think... and so the term break is finally here!i haven't bl... in the middle of the night, while taking a breathe... "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a... heh.. it's amazing what a mere half an hour on the... "THe Lord does not look at the things man looks at... hmmm.. PRETTY interesting... the Qu... ►  August (4) "O let the Son of God enfold youwith His spirit an... went for the wake yesterday. the whole experience ... 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"Make me a channel of Your peace,Where there is ha... one of my favourite jay chou songs. ►  April (15) sunset in the face of looming thunderstorm, i took... heh.. i know im supposed to be working at microB n... what i learnt from the analysis paper1. doesn't ma... :( im going crazy crazy crazy... there's too much ... "Long ago He blessed the earthBorn older than the ... How long, O Lord.. how long? "King of my life, I crown Thee now,Thine shall Thy... love song. *phew* here i am.. at the end of one of the longes... -Jesus take the wheel, Carrie Underwood " 9 How can a young man keep his way pure? ... "But you, dear friends, build yourselves up in you... The Five Love LanguagesMy primary love language is... "Over every thought over every wordmay my life ref... and they bully my favourite dog. (besides my own, ... ►  March (12) haha. yes.. this has been the most memorable birth... "When the oceans rise and thunders roar,I will soa... good stuff.his singing's good.i've only one word t... my new motto till the end of sem: whenever you fin... just got home from cycling! it was good.. just tak... did you ever talk to God abovetell Him that you ne... "You knew this day at my creationYou knew my life ... this is rather alarming. source: michelle's friend"Praise You God of earth ... really thank God for the time i spent with you guy... 'Then I saw a new heaven a new earth, for the firs... oh HO HO HO.. the week's finally over. i'm current... ►  February (9) "So if i stand, let me stand on the promise that Y... i never had such a productive term break in my fou... i realise i haven't really blogged in quite awhile... "During the days of Jesus' life on earth, He offer... "there is a higher thronethan all this world has k... "For surely it is not angels He helps, but Abraham... sigh.. maybe stomach flu is God's way of telling m... gonna stick in one post before i run off to meet y... "More love to Thee, O Christ, More love to TheeHea... ►  January (5) chinese new year eve. my cousin came over to join ... "Heart worship does not defy art worship, for hear... ever since i passed my driving test and started ge... "We waste our lives when we do not pray and think ... came across this while i was doing my qt just now.... ►  2005 (107) ►  December (11) ►  November (20) ►  October (15) ►  September (18) ►  August (12) ►  July (11) ►  June (5) ►  May (4) ►  April (6) ►  March (1) ►  February (2) ►  January (2) ►  2004 (47) ►  December (1) ►  November (4) ►  October (5) ►  September (3) ►  August (2) ►  July (4) ►  June (9) ►  May (2) ►  April (5) ►  March (11) ►  February (1)