heh.. presenting the spinelli's gang! :) yes, i have succumbed to temptation and bought a spinelli's friend's card due to my frequent trips there to buy the chocolate mint spin.

"You will never walk alone
As long as you have faith
Jesus will be right beside you all the way
You may feel you're far from home
But home is where He is
And He'll be there down every road
You will never walk alone"
-Point of Grace

What a day!

I spent my Science of Music lecture this morning trying to wrestle my gmail account away from a would-be hacker, who turned out to be my dad. He thought my gmail inbox was in the hard-drive of the laptop I just handed over to him. So there went my whole inbox, trashed right into cyberbin.

After that, in a bid to get the exclamation mark key on my laptop to work again, I spent 45 minutes on the phone with the apple help guy. The perils of a Macbook.. -mutters-

But it wasn't all that bad. Today, I stepped into the Yong Siew Toh Music Library for the first time, looking for jazz, swing and bossa nova CDs. Well, I didn't see any CDs, but I found several hidden gems to possibly help me while I write some lessons for the worship module. Even if they don't, church music and music therapy books are reason enough for me to camp in the music library during my mid-semester break.

The piano performance I went to at night was really interesting, though we only managed to watch the guy Albert Tiu play from the small screen outside. He was playing a full piano piece with his right hand only. Very impressive..

And I managed to glean much from Greg Ogden's "Transforming Discipleship" on the ride back in the MRT.

Now I'm sitting next to my mum who is relating her experience at the dentist to my brother and I.

What a day!

Happiness is to know the Saviour,
Living a life within His favour,
Having a change in my behaviour,
Happiness is the Lord.

Happiness is a new creation,
Jesus and me in close relation,
Having a part in His salvation,
Happiness is the Lord.

Real joy is mine, no matter if teardrops start;
I've found the secret, it's Jesus in my heart!

Happiness is to be forgiven,
Living a life that's worth the living,
Taking a trip that leads to Heaven,
Happiness is the Lord.

i trust in a God who can.

haha.. i thought that was a pretty funny shot.

for crazier pictures and shots of and with the birthday girl, go to my multiply site.

We celebrated my grandfather's 82nd birthday just now.

Somehow the atmosphere this year was different. I can't remember if we lighted candles in the previous years, but this year, there was this sense of warmth in the air. Like we were so happy we can celebrate his birthday for him and the feeling that he really is so important to all of us.

Maybe it's just me.. I realise thru his whole illness the past few months, how much I treasure him and my grandmother. And I realise I really cannot take their presence for granted anymore.

Enjoyed myself very much tonight, talking to my relatives, catching up on what they've been up to. Especially enjoyed talking to liz.. She encourages me everytime I talk to her, simply by being who she is.

’Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
And to take Him at His Word;
Just to rest upon His promise,
And to know, “Thus says the Lord!”

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
O for grace to trust Him more!

"We bow our hearts, we bend our knees
O Spirit come make us humble
We turn our eyes, from evil things
O Lord we cast down our idols

Give us clean hands, give us pure hearts
Let us not lift our souls to another
Give us clean hands, give us pure hearts
Let us not lift our souls to another

O God let us be a generation that seeks
That seeks Your Face, O God of Jacob"
-Give us clean hands

When I played this song during worship rehearsal on Thurs and again today during service, I was on the verge of tears, because it is really the cry of my heart. For myself, for the youths, for our generation.

I want God to keep humbling me, so that I will never think I can do anything without Him. I want us to be a youth ministry which really seeks God's face and to turn from the idols in our lives.

this morning, as i waited in the pouring rain for matthan to come to my rescue, i thought up two cheesy, but pretty apt analogies. :)

1. God doesn't stop the rain in our lives from pouring down on us, but He does send good friends along to save the day. (in my case, that good friend came in a car)

2. just like God sends rain to make the grass and flowers grow, He also sends rain in our lives to help us grow in Him.

hah.. i know it's pretty cheesy. but true right???

"There is a hope so sure
A promise so secure
The mystery of God
At last made known
Treasures so vast appear
All wisdom, knowledge here
It’s Christ in us
The hope of glory!

And the life that I now live
No longer is my own
Jesus lives in me
The hope of glory
And each day I live
No longer is my own
Jesus lives in me
The hope of glory

There is a life so true
A life of love so pure
For all our sin
A perfect sacrifice
And when that life was nailed
On cruel cross impaled
Our sinful flesh
With him was crucified

There is a life so strong
That a whole world of wrong
And all the powers of hell
Could not defeat
For Jesus rose again
And if we died with him
With him we’ll rise
To share his endless life"
-There is a hope so sure, Graham Kendrick

"But a biblical Christian is not just someone who holds certain beliefs about the Bible. He or she is also someone who leads the kind of life demonstrated in the Bible: a life of personal, intelligent interaction with God. Anything less than this makes a mockery of the priesthood of the believer."
-Hearing God, Dallas Willard

Friends

Heh.. the past few months have been a long journey for me. There were times it got so tough and tiring I wanted to stop and run away. There were times I could do nothing but sit before God and beg Him to hear me.

This morning, I woke up feeling abit upset again, but I paused and started thinking of things I could thank God for. And truly, there are so many people who have encouraged me in different ways..

Bernie, you know I still keep the 2 blog posts you wrote for me. Today I opened the file again and read through, and I realise how much you've been a blessing to me. How much you've encouraged me to hold my head high and trust God. :)I hope I'll be able to support another sister like you have supported me.

Yiling, as we sang "What a friend we have in Jesus" the other day, I remembered you sending me the song one day before good friday and encouraging me to fix my eyes only upon Him. I also remembered how you egged me on to study for my exams.

There are many other people who have blessed me abundantly, but I just wanted to remember the two of you today, because you have encouraged me so much and walked with me over the past few years. And as I look at the both of you, I can only thank God for His love and faithfulness to you. Indeed, He who has started His good work in you will bring it to completion. So press on, dear sisters, and thank you! :)

i love being outdoors.

"The God of Israel spoke,the Rock of Israel said to me:
'When one rules over men in righteousness, when he rules in the fear of God,
he is like the light of morning at sunrise on a cloudless morning,
like the brightness after rain that brings the grass from the earth.'"
-2 Samuel 23:3-4

This passage made me pause and reflect on my attitude toward leadership.

Choose the most difficult path and trust Me with it.

That's what I heard then, and that's what I'm hearing now..

"Truth forever on the scaffold, Wrong forever on the throne-
Yet that scaffold sways the future, And behind the dim unknown
Standeth God within the shadow, Keeping watch above His own."
-Excerpt from "The Present Crisis", James Russell Lowell

"And this Kingdom will know no end,
And it's glory shall know no bounds.
For the majesty and power
Of this Kingdom's King has come.
And this Kingdom's reign,
And this Kingdom's rule,
And this Kingdom's power and authority
Jesus, God's righteousness revealed."
-This Kingdom, Geoff Bullock

Amen to that.

Hmmmm, somehow, I still miss this place very much. Though I wasn't very actively involved in service, I was really ministered to by the services and would have liked to spend more time there.

Heh.. this is a very interesting quote I got from the bulletin this week:

There's a difference between interest and commitment. In a meal of bacon and eggs, the chicken is involved but the pig is committed.
The relationship between commitment and doubt is by no means an antagonist one. Commitment is healthiest when it is not without doubt but in spite of doubt."
- Rollo May

I still think about Canada from time to time. Still wishing that somehow I can go back there again.

bye dearest fi.. i'll miss you very very much.

Maybe I'm not trying hard enough. But it's so tough, bearing this alone.

"Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth."
-Psalms 46:10

In the past, I used to turn to this verse whenever I was in distress or upset over something, needing the assurance that no matter the situation, God is God alone. I turned to this verse whenever I wanted to see God as a victorious God who reigned over all the earth.

This morning, God took me a step further than that. He asked what my response to Him would be, knowing that He is God. Would I respond in obedience, wanting to do whatever He wanted me to do and taking up my cross to follow Him? Or would I respond wilfully, stubbornly wanting my own way?

You Are An ISFJ

The Nurturer You have a strong need to belong, and you very loyal. A good listener, you excel at helping others in practical ways. In your spare time, you enjoy engaging your senses through art, cooking, and music. You find it easy to be devoted to one person, who you do special things for. In love, you express your emotions through actions. Taking care of someone is how you love them. And you do it well! At work, you do well in a structured environment. You complete tasks well and on time. You would make a good interior designer, chef, or child psychologist. How you see yourself: Competent, dependable, and detail oriented When other people don't get you, they see you as: Boring, dominant, and stuck in a rut

What's Your Personality Type?

my six weeks at the Medicine Shoppe has come to a close. i'm so gonna miss everyone. it's been so enjoyable. thank God.



so there's bob, smiley charles and i in one picture, and lisa, kristen and i in the other. :)

i really hope somehow i get the chance to go back there again someday.

hah. this song grew on me. it's one of charles'(one of my colleagues) favourites..

we went to visit 2 festivals today, "the works", an art festival and the edmonton international jazz festival. there was this street stage at the works, which was at winston churchill square.

so we bought buffalo fries and a drink each and sat down to watch this country song performance by a few young people. it was pretty good, now i understand why american idol/canadian idol standards are so much higher than that of those back home. i uploaded a video of my favourite performer on my multiply site. she has a very good voice and pretty good stage skills as well. too bad the video quality on my camera wasn't that good.. could hear the wind blowing away. i wanted to upload a video of my favourite dancer too, but figured it wouldn't be very edifying. heh.

the jazz performance was abit of a disappointment, maybe cos we were stingy enough just to take a look at the free one. it was like sitting at any hotel lounge listeinng to the pianist play. and we had to order expensive food from the hotel. grrr.. so sarah and i got err.. hot wings! here are some pictures...

hmmm...

By order of Ms Sarah Tang, I have been tasked to report my glaring mistake at Kingsway Mall today. Sigh. Read on if you are interested:

Today, we set out after lunch, first to visit Sarah's patient at Rosedale Manor. We spent about 1 hour plus with her and then walked down to Kingsway.

So we walked past this One dollar shop. And because both of us had this Singaporean mentality, the immediate reaction was, "Let's go in." So in we went. There were really alot of great deals and I bought many things. So both of us chanced upon this box of fabric softeners for $1 per box! Yah, like a typical singaporean.. I started to think "cheap cheap cheap".... SO I got one box without hesitation. Sarah was commenting that she could bring the extras home to Singapore and I concurred I could do the same. Besides, it smelt pretty nice and the thought of my clothes smelling like Lavendar was quite welcoming.

After about 2 hours of shopping, we headed back. Walking back to Lister Hall from the LRT, we were chatting away. Suddenly, I stopped in my tracks and asked Sarah whether she had a dryer at home in Singapore, because FABRIC SOFTENERS were used ONLY in dryers! Well, turns out she did.. and well, I didn't. So there.

When we got back to my room, Sarah had one extra box of fabric softeners to bring home to use. -grin- ain't I generous!

Every Wednesday at the pharmacy, I would help prepare syringes for this lady in her late thirties who is suffering from cancer. Because she cannot swallow properly, she needs to be tube-fed. Sometimes, we would need to prepare syringes on Friday as well. And occasionally, her husband would come by personally to collect them.

Yesterday, as usual, I prepared those syringes. As I struggled to stick the labels nicely on them, Bob was telling me it didnt' make much of a difference since her husband had been tube-feeding her for ages and he didn't really need to look at labels anymore. I asked whether her husband had to work, cos tube-feeding a cancer patient four times a day was really no joke. He said he did, and he'd do it three times a day, the only time he didn't do it was at noon, when he was at work. During that time, a homecare nurse would take over. Then he added, "pretty dedicated man, i must say".

Boy do i have to agree. "in sickness and in health.... till death do us part." That phrase came to me as I worked on those syringes. Living out those vows he made back at the altar. His wife probably wasn't looking her best now, but nonetheless, the kind of dedication and love he has for her is truly commendable.

some pictures of jasper. the rest are on my multiply site.

"When through the woods, and forest glades I wander,
And hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees.
When I look down, from lofty mountain grandeur
And see the brook, and feel the gentle breeze.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!"

This verse really stood out at me this weekend as i spent it at Jasper, the Canadian Rockies. I really loved it there. In fact, i was pretty depressed when I headed back to Edmonton.

Yeah, the mountains and the lakes are soooo splendid. They were really very majestic. Driving down the highways, listening to various hymns and contemporaries, it was amazing. I could identify with the Psalmist who wrote Psalms 148 then.

We had our own fair share of adventure too. Walking thru the forest towards buck lake, fearing black bears! (at least I was) Our hike up to the Valley of Five Lakes was memorable too. We were just across the lake from our destination when three hikers came towards us to tell us there were black bears along that particular trail, about 10-15 minutes away. heh. and boy, I was scared. OK, maybe a mix of fear and curiosity. I wanted to venture further, but something else inside me said "no" and "it'd be better to see a bear from the car than on a hike without bear spray" haha.. and those guys were so animated, it was hilarious really.

This past weekend was like a mini-retreat with God. At some points, it felt like I was in heaven. Sitting in front of a quiet, peaceful lake with a view of the mountains and hearing the sound of the trees rustling, simply awesome. Away from the computer, tv, etc. The only tv shows i remember watching in Jasper Town were uh.. Bugs Bunny and Shrek. Heh.

I definitely wanna go back there again. Maybe on my honeymoon. Me, my future partner and God! Heh.. 2 weeks in the Rocky Mountains, and it won't just be Jasper the next time! :)

"The lights go out all around me
One last candle to keep out the night
And then the darkness surrounds me
I know I'm alive
But I feel like I've died

And all that's left is to accept that it's over
My dreams ran like sand through the fists that I made
I try to keep warm but I just grow colder
I feel like I'm slipping away

After all this has passed
I still will remain
After I've cried my last
There'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today
Someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

My whole world is the pain inside me
The best I can do is just get through the day
When life before is only a memory
I wonder why God let me walk through this place

And though I can't understand why this happened
I know that I will when I look back someday
And see how You've brought beauty from ashes
And made me as gold purified through these flames

Here and I am at the end of me (at the end of me)
Trying to hold to what I can't see
I forgot how to hope
This night's been so long
I cling to Your promise there will be a dawn"

-Beauty from Pain, Superchick

heh.. i passed up the chance to go on an MEP pilgrimage. but it's alright, there'll always be another time.

up to jasper tomorrow, so i'll be missing for a few days.. will post up pictures when im back on multiply.

"You are God alone
From before time began
You were on Your throne
You are God alone
And right now
In the good times and bad
You are on Your throne
You are God alone"

-You are God alone,
Philips, Craig and Dean

"There's a cry in my heart
For Your glory to fall
For Your presence to fill up my senses
There's a yearning again
A thirst for discipline
A hunger for things that are deeper

Could You take me beyond?
Could You carry me through?
If I open my heart
Could I go there with You?
(For I've been here before
But I know there's still more
Oh, Lord, I need to know You)

For what do I have
If I don't have You, Jesus?
What in this life
Could mean any more?
You are my rock
You are my glory
You are the lifter
Of my head"

-Cry in my heart, Starfield

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end."

Ecc 3: 1-8, 11

By chance, I found this amazing songwriter. I haven't heard her music yet, except for about 2 songs, but I think her lyrics are worth looking at and her biography is worth reading, so look here and here.

"All things work for our good
Though sometimes we can't see how they could
Struggles that break our hearts in two
Sometimes blind us to the truth
Our Father knows what's best for us
His ways are not our own
So when your pathway grows dim
And you just can't see Him
Remember He's still on the throne

God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don't understand
When you don't see His plan
When you can't trace His hand
Trust His heart

He sees the master plan
He holds the future in His hands
So don't live as those who have no hope
All our hope is found in Him
We walk in present knowledge
but He sees the first and the last
And like a tapestry, He's weaving you and me
To someday be just like Him."

-Trust His heart

"Rushing wind, blow through this temple,
Blowing out the dust within;
Come and breathe Your breath upon me:
I've been born again.

Holy Spirit, I surrender; take me where You want to go.
Plant me by Your living water,
Plant me deep so I can grow.

Jesus, You’re the one who sets my spirit free;
Use me, Lord; glorify Your Holy Name through me.

Separate me from this world, Lord;
Sanctify my life for You.
Daily change me to Your image,
Help me bear good fruit.

Ev'ry day you're drawing closer;
Trials come to test my faith.
But when all is said and done, Lord,
You know it's been worth the wait."
-Rushing Wind, Keith Green

I composed this simple song while crying out to God in the piano room of Henday Hall. Decided to title it "Jehovah Rophe", the God who heals.

"In Your arms,
Only in Your arms
Can I find
Myself and my worth

Before Your throne
Only before Your throne
Will I dwell
In Your spring of comfort

You are my strength and song
You are my God of hope
And You promised me
Your grace is sufficient

In my weakness Lord,
There will Your strength prevail
And I'm trusting You
To make me whole again."


As personal as it is to me, may it also minister to anyone who needs God's touch..
No music for now.. haha i have no means of recording it.

"But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
-2 Corinthians 12: 9-10

Receiving grace to trust in the God who redeems..

"I don't know about tomorrow,
I just live from day to day.
I don't borrow from it's sunshine,
For it's skies may turn to gray.
I don't worry o'er the future,
For I know what Jesus said,
And today I'll walk beside Him,
For He knows what is ahead.
Many things about tomorrow
I don't seem to understand
But I know Who holds tomorrow
And I know Who holds my hand."


This song came to me as I sat on the grass patch opposite my workplace during lunchtime.

It's pretty amazing how you could just forget. How life moves on like nothing went on. I wish I could too.

i finally got connected to my internet in my room, so will be replying emails soon! probably this evening when i get back from doing more administrative stuff. :) so bernie, yiling and yokes.. i will reply you all soon!

woah.. the past few days haven't been that easy.. scouting around for cheap food, buying groceries.. cost of living here is pretty high. you practically have to pay for everything, even the internet wire that connects my com to the internet jack in my room. and i must say, that internet jack is really in "high places". i had to put my desk chair on my bed and reach like mad to put the wire into the jack. grrr.

i've probably been pampered too much in vancouver. :)

the weather here is a little cold, but the sun makes all the difference. it's really dry though. my skin and lips have been peeling. scenery wise, i really love the trees and the clear blue sky! occasionally around campus, wild rabbits can be seen hopping around.

yeah. i've been spending the past few days reading quite abit as well. and enjoying my time alone with God. :)

ok more updates another day..

come tomorrow, i leave wonderful vancouver and board the plane to get to edmonton. it's been a really enjoyable week here. will blog more abt vancouver later. so tired.. heh.

this is what i've always wanted to see and experience. :)

going to seattle tomorrow!!!! =)=)

"To hear with my heart
To see with my soul
To be guided by a Hand I cannot hold
To trust in a way that I cannot see
That's what faith must be"
-That's what faith must be, Michael Card

okay.. besides the personal emails, i shall make general updates here!

today was pretty fun. the weather was good, sun was out, wasn't too cold so i could walk around with just one coat.

went to regent college with sarah.. thank God we had sarah's friend's aunt to drive us there and around the place from there. we met with soo yeong who brought us around regent.. showed us around the place. managed to get some books too! heh

after regent, we went down to Queen Elizabeth Park down Cambey.. East Vancouver. the flowers there were really pretty. so sarah and i had a field day taking pictures..

yup.. metrotown after that. browsed some shops.. had dinner.. then took a skytrain back downtown. tired now!

more pictures on my multiply site. yin.. u can just come here to look out for my itinery.. in vancouver at least. -grin-

enjoying the weather and scenery. i think im gonna get jetlagged cos it's 12am and im pretty hyper.

uh... go check out photos on my multiply site.. im abit too lazy to post them now.

alright. i'll email updates.. this blog will continue to be other-things-except-my-own-words-filled.

"My soul contemplates Your glory
I worship in holy awe
In quietness and in confident trust
I rest in all that You are
I'll sing to the world Your glory and grace
Until I behold Your face

Jesus, O Jesus, I give You my life;
Jesus, O Jesus, I give You my life."



Thank God for wonderful cousins!

"Just let me hear Your finest whispers
As You gently call my name
And let me see Your power and Your glory
Let me feel Your Spirit's flame
Let me find You in the desert
'Til this sand is holy ground
And I am found completely surrendered
To You, my Lord and friend"

this is worth a read.

A Woman's Question

"Do you know you have asked for the costliest thing
Ever made by the Hand above?
A woman's heart, and a woman's life--
And a woman's wonderful love.

Do you know you have asked for this priceless thing
As a child might ask for a toy?
Demanding what others have died to win
With the reckless dash of a boy.

You have written my lesson of duty out,
Manlike, you have questioned me.
Now stand at the bars of my woman's soul
Until I shall question thee.

You require your mutton shall always be hot,
Your socks and your shirt be whole;
I require your heart be as true as God's stars
And as pure as His heaven your soul.

You require a cook for your mutton and beef,
I require a far greater thing;
A seamstress you're wanting for socks and shirts---
I look for a man and a king.

A king for the beautiful realm called Home,
And a man that his Maker, God,
Shall look upon as He did on the first
And say: "It is very good."

I am fair and young, but the rose may fade
From this soft young cheek one day;
Will you love me then, 'mid the falling leaves
As you did 'mong the blossoms of May?

Is your heart an ocean so strong and true,
I may launch my all on its tide?
A loving woman finds heaven or hell
On the day she is made a bride.

I require all things that are grand and true,
All things that a man should be;
If you give this all, I would stake my life
To be all you demand of me.

If you cannot be this, a laundress and cook
You can hire and little to pay;
But a woman's heart and a woman's life
Are not to be won that way."

-Lena Lathrop

"May my life be my worship,
my life be my song,
May I praise You my Saviour,
all the day long.
From the sun in its rising,
to the night when it falls
May my life be my worship,
my life be my song."
-Life of Worship, Jon Bauer

at the end of my exams, these are the people i wanna thank God for:

1. for God Himself.. if not for Your grace, I wouldn't have been able to get through the past few weeks, much less the exams. Thank You for loving me so much more than i could ever imagine...

2. my family.. for all the rides to school, fries, encouragement, thank you all so much.

3. my mugging buddies and closest friends.. the 85s, janice, etc. for all the times we've spent in church/school going crazy, for all the crazy antics, for being there.. :)

4. the 88 girls. :)

5. for older sisters like annie and hilmay. 'nuff said.:)

"All the way my Savior leads me;
What have I to ask beside?
Can I doubt His tender mercy,
Who through life has been my Guide?
Heav’nly peace, divinest comfort,
Here by faith in Him to dwell!
For I know, whate’er befall me,
Jesus doeth all things well;
For I know, whate’er befall me,
Jesus doeth all things well.

All the way my Savior leads me,
Cheers each winding path I tread;
Gives me grace for every trial,
Feeds me with the living Bread.
Though my weary steps may falter,
And my soul athirst may be,
Gushing from the Rock before me,
Lo! A spring of joy I see;
Gushing from the Rock before me,
Lo! A spring of joy I see.

All the way my Savior leads me
O the fullness of His love!
Perfect rest to me is promised
In my Father’s house above.
When my spirit, clothed immortal,
Wings its flight to realms of day
This my song through endless ages—
Jesus led me all the way;
This my song through endless ages—
Jesus led me all the way."
-All the way my Saviour leads me, Fanny Crosby

"Father let me dedicate all this life to Thee
In whatever worldly state Thou would have me be
Not from sorrow, pain or care, freedom dare I claim
This alone shall be my prayer, glorify Thy name

Can a child presume to choose where or how to live?
Can a father's love refuse all the best to give?
Let my glad heart, while it sings, Thee in all proclaim
And, whate'er the future brings, glorify Thy name"
-Father let me dedicate, Matt Redman

Truly this is my prayer.

"I cannot tell how silently He suffered,
As with His peace He graced this place of tears,
Or how His heart upon the cross was broken,
The crown of pain to three and thirty years.
But this I know, He heals the brokenhearted,
And stays our sin, and calms our lurking fear,
And lifts the burden from the heavy laden,
For yet the Savior, Savior of the world is here."

In this cold, hard world, I must always remember that I have a wise and loving God.

"Are you tired of chasing pretty rainbows?
Are you tired of spinning round and round?
Wrap up all those shattered dreams of your life
And at the feet of Jesus, lay them down.

Give them all, give them all, give them all to Jesus
Shattered dreams, wounded hearts, and broken toys.
Give them all, give them all, give them all to Jesus
And He will turn your sorrows into joy.

He never said you only see sunshine,
He never said there would be no rain.
He only promised a heart full of singing
About the very thing that once brought pain."

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."-Proverbs 31:30

May I be willing, Lord, to bear
Daily my cross for Thee;
Even Thy cup of grief to share,
Thou hast borne all for me.

Lest I forget Gethsemane,
Lest I forget Thine agony;
Lest I forget Thy love for me,
Lead me to Calvary.

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Looking back
He sees it all
It was her first date the night he came to call

Her dad said son
Have her home on time
And promise me you’ll never leave her side

The way she laughed, the dress she wore
He’d never felt like this before

He was walking her home
And holding her hand
Oh the way she smiled it stole the breath right out of him
Down that old road
With the stars up above
He remembers where he was the night he fell in love
He was walking her home

Ten more years and a waiting room
At half past one
And the doctor said come in and meet your son

His knees went weak
When he saw his wife
She was smiling as she said he’s got your eyes

And as she slept he held her tight
His mind went back to that first night

He was walking her home
And holding her hand
Oh the way she smiled it stole the breath right out of him
Down that old road
With the stars up above
He remembers where he was the night he fell in love
He was walking her home


He walked her through the best days of her life
Sixty years together and he never left her side

A nursing home
At eighty-five
And the doctor said it could be her last night

And the nurse said Oh
Should we tell him now
Or should he wait until the morning to find out
But when they checked her room that night
He was laying by her side

Oh he was walking her home
And holding her hand
Oh the way she smiled when he said this is not the end
And just for a while they were eighteen And she was still more beautiful to him than anything
He was walking her home
He was walking her home

Looking back
He sees it all
It was her first date the night he came to call

-Mark Schultz - Walking Her Home
From the album Broken & Beautiful

About words....

Words.. -when we open our mouths, they come spewing out relentlessly.-
can build up.. but they can also tear down.......do u even realise...
can turn away wrath.. but they can also stir up anger.Proverbs 15:1
can bring healing.. but they can also crush the spirit.
can bring people together.. but can also tear them apart.
can glorify or dishonour God.
come from the heart..Proverbs 27:19


How then, should I glorify You with what I say?

one month on, one week more
one more test to go
before the great catch-up begins..

many things on my heart,
some left unsaid,
many desires,
swept up in a corner.

Boy, am i tired.

On hindsight, one months fly by really quickly. (when you're having fun)

I was relieved that I had made it when my exams finally ended, and looking forward to one month of good, solid rest. Before I knew it, school had started again. The holidays were memorable though. I still remember how I kept praying that I would hold out till the end of the exams because I didn't want to repeat the semester again. And God did.. I only landed in the hospital after that. Though it was horrible, I'm so thankful that I wasn't in that state one week earlier or later.

One month ago, I was waiting in anticipation for Joses' return. Before I knew it, it was time to go again. Though the loss stings me from time to time, I thank God for the month that passed.

Now i hope one month flies by really quickly while i'm in school.. so that CNY would come soon. heh.

and the madness starts again tmr. woohoo. hopefully this sem won't be as tough as last sem was. but im going easy on myself at least for the first few weeks! last sem has taught me that studying hard consistently could lead to me burning out and falling sick RIGHT before the exams. heh..

"Lord of past ages, Lord of this morning,
Lord of the future, help us we pray.
Teach us to trust You, love and obey You,
Crown You each moment Lord of today."

I'm finally home!!!!! :)

After 3 days at the "5-star hotel" in Changi.. (ie. Changi General Hospital).. heh. it's great to be home again. Had a really bad bout of food poisoning on Sunday which left me quite dehydrated, but i'm much better now.. though i still need lots of rest and less time on the com or walking around.

so well.. i'll blog about the hospital stay another time.. it was restful, i must say, although i got a little bored.

if i had things my way, i wish i could....

• walk, run, jump, swim without feeling tired
• stop being sick
  
• turn back time and set all things right..
  

:(

haha, Confucius is profound, or maybe it's the religion textbook authors..

"The Confucian approach to human relations uncovers an oddity about the phrase "fall in love". If love is something we fall into, it is something we can fall out of, too. But do we not want to say that true love is an active commitment to a person, not just a passive "undergoing" of emotions that overwhelm us? Jesus commanded love; but if love can be commanded, it must be an active rather than a passive approach. It does not just happen to us; we must will it. So it appears that true love is not what we are talking about when we speak of falling in love. The key point that Confucianism teaches us here is that the highest form of relating to another person- true love- is an active approach, a quality or virtue or act of will." -Religion textbook.

insightful huh? that's why i prefer the phrase "growing in love"

heh.. just scrapped my previous post. thought it was pretty pointless..

i just mused in the shower. i love taking long showers though it aggravates my asthma.. but somehow i realise many things about God and myself in the shower.

today in the shower, i mused about a rocky relationship. somehow, relationship issues always bring me back to my relationship with God.. because i've always held to the notion that relationships between a man and a woman mirror our relationship with God, though the latter definitely takes precedence.

as i mused and prayed.. i realised how much we take God for granted and how we use Him as an excuse sometimes to fulfil our own desires. so often, we use the phrase "thank God" and we go to God when we are facing dire circumstances.. but what struck me was this question: "is this what God wants of us? solely to be acknowledged by us in Name?" my reply to well.. the steam around me was "definitely not.." so often, we acknowledge God's hand in our lives but refuse to take time to listen to Him, spend time building a relationship with Him..

well, i'll be the first to admit that i'm so guilty of that. i still remember my conversation with wei'en a few weeks ago when i acknowledged God and shared that indeed, He has been faithful. but when asked about my prayer life, i had to confess that i was struggling.. i was and still am. after the sermon on prayer the other day, i felt led to wake up early every morning to pray for 2 hours.. but all my attempts failed. the snooze button on my phone is probably rusted and tainted by now.

i guess musings like that do demand a response. i don't know what made me suddenly want to blog about this.. maybe just to share and build up. so.. yep. back to GEK1045.

*phew* breathes a sigh of relief. my 2 terrorizing papers are over.

i am relieved and i can literally breathe a little easier now, though i still get bouts of difficulty, and i can feel the phlegm down my airways.

i think i seriously need to rest. physically rest. it's scary.. so as of now, i will stop drinking cold water, eating sweets and whatever could possibly constrict my bronchioles.

but i am still relieved. even though they kinda killed me today with the liver question, i am glad my patho and pharmaco papers are finally over.

i shall rest tonight..before i start fending for my remaining three modules. no one shall be allowed to disturb me....

haha, part of me thinks im dead meat for my patho exam.

i dont' know how i got here, but it was probably cos the past week, i've been thinking of 30 chapters of pharmaco, so i've been studying mostly that.. pretty slowly i must say. so when i gradually picked up on patho, i graduallyyyyyy realised there was lots to study. boy, did i freak out today.

but im tired now, with a headache. trying to get somemore stuff in.. just abit at least, so i won't have to finish so much tomorrow. maybe it's the fact that i have to write essays.. i get nervy at the thought of that.

aaaah! -pulls out hair- exam stress has gotten the better of me.

been a week since my last post. it's been a crazy past week, academically very challenging. we all kinda got killed by med chem and pharmaco, more so pharmaco. as i went through my beta-lactam antibiotics notes again today, i started counting the number of mistakes i made during the test. oops. heh..

but i've been pretty distracted. and i seriously need to shape up and study hard for the next 2 weeks.. ESPECIALLY the week leading up to the pharmaco paper, which well, that's next week. haha.

yeah, uni students need to multitask alright. my mind is full of studies, ministry, personal life. and part of me wants to sit back and relax. but that's a definite no-no till mid december after the youth camp, after which nobody shall touch me. (OK i do need to plan for SLR).

"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well."-Matthew 6:33

the house is so quiet now. :( i miss my parents in cameron and the guy who's somewhere around boston.

and i think i've had enough of pharmaco and med chem for awhile. heh.. work-overload.. bleah.

think its a major bout of PMS.

To everyone who's lost someone they love
Long before it was their time
You feel like the days you had were not enough
when you said goodbye

And to all of the people with burdens and pains
Keeping you back from your life
You believe that there's nothing and there is no one
Who can make it right

There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus

For the marriage that's struggling just to hang on
They lost all of their faith in love
They've done all they can to make it right again
Still it's not enough

For the ones who can't break the addictions and chains
You try to give up but you come back again
Just remember that you're not alone in your shame
And your suffering

When you're lonely
And it feels like the whole world is falling on you
You just reach out, you just cry out to Jesus
Cry to Jesus

To the widow who struggles with being alone
Wiping the tears from her eyes
For the children around the world without a home
Say a prayer tonight
- "Cry out to Jesus", Third Day

so much has happened over the past few weeks, like never before, but oh well, haven't really blogged about it..

right now im just exhausted. was feeling so tired in school today that i couldn't really concentrate during dfd test. so well, decided to take the night off to rest! :) hmm.. don't really want to gripe and complain here, so i shall leave it as that. much to thank God for, and much to continue praying for as well..

Where are You? Where are you?

i just got home from project discussion. everyone's out now.. janice, mandy and sarah are at vivo city (and i wanna go too!!!), huixian and peiru are somewhere around too.. but i can't join them cos im sick. :( argh. utterly exhausted and aching all over. the past few weeks have been a nightmare.. but im glad for this short break! heh.. there's only presentation and my 3 lab reports to do tomorrow.. then i can relax abit, before everything starts again. gotta catch up on metabolism for med chem...

woooooooo.. im so tired.

interesting article.

Be it in a quiet pasture
Or by a gentle stream
The Shepherd of my soul is by my side

Should I face a mighty mountain
Or a valley dark and deep
The Shepherd of my soul is by my side

"Lord renew my mind, as Your will unfolds in my life
In living everyday, by the power of Your love."

"i've reached a point where i can only take 1 day @ a time .. anything more than that is too scary..." -quote from a friend.
my sentiments exactly. heh.

while reading the chapter on Rahab in John Macarthur's "Twelve Extraordinary Women", i came across this biblical account:

"Now before they lay down, she came up to them on the roof, and said to the men: "I know that the Lord has given you the land, that the terror of you has fallen on us, and that all the inhabitants of the land are fainthearted because of you. For we have heard how the Lord dried up the water of the Red Sea for you when you came out of Egypt, and what you did to the two kings of the Amorites who were on the other side of the Jordan, Sihon and Og, whom you utterly destroyed. And as soon as we heard these things, our hearts melted; neither did there remain any more courage in anyone because of you, for the Lord your God, He is God in heaven above and on earth beneath..."
- Joshua 2: 8-11

it struck me because the people living in Jericho then, Rahab included, feared the Lord, feared the prowess of our God. just by hearing what God had done to save and deliver the Israelites time and again, made them fear.. made their hearts melt. and when i read the passage, somehow i myself was struck with that same fear of God plus an additional sense of awe. somehow, the eyes of my heart were opened to the immeasurable greatness of an all-powerful God.

in Rahab's case, the fear in her led to what she did in faith, knowing that the God of the Israelites was God above all. it linked me back to the verse in Proverbs, The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Rahab's fear of God led her to do something wise, in faith that the almighty God of Israel would protect her.

it led me to think about myself. what is my vision and understanding of God? do i fear Him enough to take steps of faith in obedience to Him like Rahab did? what should the fear of the Lord even look like?

"THE STILLNESS OF A SILENT SOUND

Sometimes we think we are doing well, but our hearts may be full of sin.
And little will we know how much until we get alone with Him.
Until we are able to get past the noisy questions of the head,
Until our "self" with all its claims is laid before the Lord as dead

How can we hear God's still small voice with music blaring in our ears,
Or know the peace the Spirit brings, the touch that calms our inner fears?
Until we are willing to shut out the noisiness of life around -
Willing to wait until we know the "stillness of a silent sound".

We are afraid to get too still, for in those quiet moments we
Will have to face just what we are, something we might not like to see.
The attitudes that grieve our Lord, the pride, the failures, how we have been -
But that is why we need so much those silent times "


these words spoke right to my heart when i saw them. how true right? got it from a friend's blog.. but i don't know who wrote this.. don't know if he does either. so.. to whoever you are, hope you don't mind. :)

and so the term break is finally here!

i haven't blogged much the past few weeks. but it's fine.. i'm fine! been pretty busy, with an average of one test a week. but i survived the past three weeks, thank God.
been thinking alot, reading alot, playing the piano quite abit, studying LOTS, watching funny videos online and listening to podcasts, hanging around in the pharmacy room.. attending and chairing meetings here and there.. that pretty much sums it up.

this term break's gonna be a busy one though. two projects and a term paper to finish.. a few upcoming tests to study for.. and i've quite a lot of books and articles i want to read. so.. that's it for now i guess.. i don't really know why i updated.. maybe cos everyone keeps asking how i am. had a few quotes i wanted to blog about.. but not just yet i guess.

in the middle of the night, while taking a breather from my lab reports, i visited the MGS webpage.

this made me cry.

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."-Proverbs 31: 30

that's what matters, doesn't it..

heh.. it's amazing what a mere half an hour on the piano after dinner can do.. i feel so much more refreshed now after one long tiring day at school. came up with my own jazz rendition of "lead me to calvary" (though it was purely hitting on all the 7ths and 9ths i could possibly hit) and spent some time doing technical stuff. i realise my fingers have gone rather rusty..

pharmaco test tomorrow. oh well.. i'll see how that goes.. maybe i should spend some time during term break composing music to drug names! then maybe i'd be able to remember them better.. :>

but thank God.. really thank God He's kept me.. and that i'm not feeling terribly depressed by the pile of work that's mercilessly waiting for me.. and that i'm not feeling so bogged down by things..

"lest i forget Thine love for me,
lead me to calvary."

"THe Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance but the Lord looks at the heart."-1 Samuel 16: 7b

You really know my heart, Lord. Thank You.

hmmm.. PRETTY interesting...

the Questioner Thanks for taking the test !

you chose CY - your Enneagram type is SIX. "I am affectionate and skeptical" Questioners are responsible, trustworthy, and value loyalty to family, friends, groups, and causes. Their personalities range broadly from reserved and timid to outspoken and confrontative. How to Get Along with Me Be direct and clear. Listen to me carefully. Don't judge me for my anxiety. Work things through with me. Reassure me that everything is OK between us. Laugh and make jokes with me. Gently push me toward new experiences. Try not to overreact to my overreacting. What I Like About Being a Six being committed and faithful to family and friends being responsible and hardworking being compassionate toward others having intellect and wit being a nonconformist confronting danger bravely being direct and assertive What's Hard About Being a Six the constant push and pull involved in trying to make up my mind procrastinating because of fear of failure; having little confidence in myself fearing being abandoned or taken advantage of exhausting myself by worrying and scanning for danger wishing I had a rule book at work so I could do everything right being too critical of myself when I haven't lived up to my expectations Sixes as Children Often are friendly, likable, and dependable, and/or sarcastic, bossy, and stubborn are anxious and hypervigilant; anticipate danger form a team of "us against them" with a best friend or parent look to groups or authorities to protect them and/or question authority and rebel are neglected or abused, come from unpredictable or alcoholic families, and/or take on the fearfulness of an overly anxious parent Sixes as Parents are often loving, nurturing, and have a strong sense of duty are sometimes reluctant to give their children independence worry more than most that their children will get hurt sometimes have trouble saying no and setting boundaries Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele The Enneagram Made Easy Discover the 9 Types of People Harper SanFrancisco, 1994, 161 pages Monday, August 28, 2006 "O let the Son of God enfold you with His spirit and His love, let Him fill your heart and satisfy your soul O let Him have the things that hold you and His Spirit like a dove will descend upon your life and make you whole..." many things on my heart, but i'll just post this verse up as a personal reminder to myself. 1 Thess 5:16-18 Wednesday, August 09, 2006 went for the wake yesterday. the whole experience was so mixed. after paying our respects, we sat down and remembered our sec4 days with her. how we dreaded tuesdays cos we had 5 periods of chem plus chem pract. and how we used to piss our physics teacher off cos we would start getting ready for chem pract during our physics lesson.. how mel would scurry off to other classes in search of a proper OHP before every chem lesson (and how other classes would so willingly lend it to us the moment they heard she wanted it). so many other memories (entry on 8/8)of her that we reminisced and laughed about. yet, all of us felt the loss, and the pain that came along with it. i regretted not going back to see her last year, knowing her health was deteriorating. i'd taken for granted that she'd always be at MG and i could drop by anytime to see her. i realized also, during the national day prayer service yesterday, that God had used her, even though she refused to accept Him then, to demonstrate to us MG girls what love is. the strongest and most dedicated teacher i've ever known. she never missed a day of school during my time at MG, and she gave us what we needed, not what we wanted. she never minced her words with us, gave it to us good and proper. yet, it was out of a desire to see her students grow in humility. she would always remind us to be humble and hardworking, not "yaya papayas".. she told us that if ever we were stressed, we could come back to look for her and she'd take us to eat fish. now she's gone.. and i miss her dearly. Monday, August 07, 2006 "Because it isn't just concerts and surfing and the high points, and it isn't just the beautiful moments in the midst of the everyday and mundane; It is also in the tragic and the gut-wrenching moments when we cannot escape the simple fact that there is way more going on around us than we realize." -Velvet Elvis, Rob Bell i have no idea why, but this paragraph got to me as i was reading the book. life.. reality at its rawest. having just received news about the passing on of someone whom i've always held in high regard; someone who initially was the object of our fear, but as time passed, became a person we so deeply respected, someone whose stories and remarks we used to laugh and joke about repeatedly, someone whom i've always brought before the Lord, in the hope that He would save her. i'm still living in hope that she's gone home, and not anywhere else. Tuesday, August 01, 2006 23072006. finally.. been trying to get these photos up in days. time is flying relentlessly.. Monday, July 17, 2006 wanted to blog, but my mind is muddled up. maybe tomorrow... Saturday, July 15, 2006 tired and weary -- i definitely understand the meaning of those two words. Wednesday, July 05, 2006 reading blogs is so interesting.. quite a few of the pharm ppl have been blogging about preceptorship. i guess im not much of an exception. been so tired lately.. sometimes i'm so tired i have no appetite.. and other times, i'm so tired i have such a big appetite. heh.. indecisive stomach i have! having to stand up quite alot when im working makes me appreciate sitting down.. and having to wear covered shoes makes me appreaciate being able to wear slippers everywhere else i go. haha.. but it's not too bad. i don't mind what i'm doing now, just that i get pretty nervous when im blur and do silly things.. like foul up at the cash register or forget where certain items are placed.. etc etc etc. and at the end of the day, i like to lie down and dream that my aching body and legs are being massaged. hahaha.. that's working life.. for me. 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