"So if i stand, let me stand on the promise that You will pull me through
And if i can't, let me fall on the grace that first brought me to You
And if i sing, let me sing for the joy that has born in me these songs
And if i weep, let it be as a man who is longing for his home."
-If i stand, Rich Mullins

i never had such a productive term break in my four semesters here in NUS so far! OK, so i did set out to accomplish more, but i think this is as much as i can accomplish. i'm still barely started on my pharm module notes, haven't read up on pharm pract tutorial 2, totally not prepared for my microB tutorial tomorrow and i have yet to get organised and start studying for other tests.. but at least my psych's on track, i've finished my drug info. write-up, more or less done with my SDL and pharm analysis project, done with my psych RPs as well! that's some stuff off my shoulder for now, although there's more to come.

grrrrr... determination.. that's what i need!

i realise i haven't really blogged in quite awhile. probably cos i've been so busy and my mind has been rather consumed with work and stuff that needs to be done. yeah. but thank God for the midsemester break. this morning has gotten off to a very slow start. but i'm quite enjoying myself. woke up at 11 (gasp!) and spent quite awhile talking to my mum. through the conversation, i was reminded again and again that yeah.. i really need to spend more time in prayer..

just read through the last few chapters of hebrews. and as i read through from chapters 9 - 13.. i experienced a vast array of emotion. hadn't felt like that in a long time. it was quite amazing, reading about how Christ came as high priest of the good things that are already here and how He entered the Most Holy Place once for all by His own blood, and through the eternal Spirit offered Himself unblemished to God and cleansed our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living God. somehow this reminded me of my purpose in life. i am saved so that i may serve Him, not so that i can simply live out my life in routine.

chapters 10 and 11 reminded me of the hope i had in a faithful God, and it was a reminder once again to live as aliens and strangers on this earth, and to look forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God. the eternal vs. the temporal. it really is a struggle at times to cling on to the temporal, instead of continually looking toward the eternal. but yeah.. i really look forward to the day when we are all made perfect in God and He is glorified because we're totally satisfied in Him.

there's really so much more that encouraged me as i read hebrews. and it was so refreshing. i think i've been so tired lately that i've hardly let the Word speak into my life. i need to slooooooooooooow down.. life is going too fast for me to catch up!

"During the days of Jesus' life on earth, He offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the One who could save Him from death and He was heard because of His reverent submission. Although He was a son, He learned obedience from what He suffered, and once made perfect, He became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey Him and was designated by God to be high priest in the order of Melchizedek." - Hebrews 5: 7-10

wow.

"there is a higher throne
than all this world has known
where faithful ones from every tongue
will one day come
before the Son they'll stand
made faultless through the lamb
believing hearts find promised grace
Salvation comes

hear heaven's voices sing
their thunderous anthem ring
through emerald courts and sapphire skies
their praises rise
All glory wisdom power
strength thanks and honour are
to God our King, who reigns on high
forevermore

and there we'll find our home
our life before the throne
we'll honour Him in perfect song
where we belong
He'll wipe each tear-stained eye
as thirst and hunger die
the lamb becomes our Shepherd King
we'll reign with Him"

"For surely it is not angels He helps, but Abraham's descendants. For this reason, He had to be made like His brothers in every way, in order that He might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that He might make atonement for the sins of the people. Because He Himself suffered when He was tempted, He is able to help those who are being tempted."-Hebrews 2: 16-18

sigh.. maybe stomach flu is God's way of telling me to treasure the food around me. after having to stick to plain porridge and not more than 2 slices of bread per meal, give me anything and i'd gladly down it. bread seriously never tasted so good! i don't recall ever looking forward to having bread for breakfast. but hey.. today i did. i guess that's also a sign that i'm recovering.. hunger pangs! thank God. :)

heh.. have learnt not to take even sitting up or walking around for granted either. after yesterday's traumatic experience of not being able to sit or walk for more than 10 minutes without my stomach and back screaming in pain, it reeaaaaaally feels wonderful being able to sit up and do lab reports, and blog!

well.. i guess the pace of life accelerates again once i return to school tomorrow, having missed two lectures and two practs.. but i've already planned out what i want to feast on once i get well! (and selfishly hidden my favourite chocolate cake so the rest can't finish it on my behalf.. heh)

gonna stick in one post before i run off to meet yiling!

there's this silly bird stuck in my brother's room right now! initially the door was closed and it was trying to find its way out unsuccessfully. kinda kept knocking itself against the door repeatedly. (i'm still trying to figure out how it got in there in the first place!) and so i made my way inside to open the balcony door to release the poor bird. (sparrow, i think)

however, as i approached it, i guess it got scared of me and flew upwards towards the glass window. (which can't be opened) up till now, i can still hear it chirping away, fluttering its wings and knocking repeatedly against the window. i tried to direct it out by getting its attention and pointing the way out through the door. but i guess it thinks im trying to catch it and have bird stew for dinner. sigh.

so i stood there gazing at it, feeling pretty helpless. the little birdie took a rest as well and sat on the window sill staring back at me. i suddenly remembered these lyrics.. "...Yet He feeds the poor sparrows, and He knows when they fall..." then i asked God to guide it out of the door.. and went back to my room to get changed. poor bird. it'll find its way out sooner or later.

the other lyrics of the same song came to mind though. i sat there for awhile, reflecting on them, thanking God for who He is and His repeated reassurance that He cares for me. :)

"Our God is far greater, than words can make known
Exalted and holy, He reigns on His throne
In infinite splendour, He rules over all
Yet He feeds the poor sparrows and He knows when they fall.

His power is great and will ever endure,
His wisdom is peaceable, gentle, and pure.
But greater than all these glories I see,
Is the glorious promise that He cares for me."

"More love to Thee, O Christ, More love to Thee
Hear Thou the prayer I make, on bended knee;
This is my earnest plea: More love, O Christ to Thee,
More love to Thee, More love to Thee"