Thursday, December 14, 2006
After 3 days at the "5-star hotel" in Changi.. (ie. Changi General Hospital).. heh. it's great to be home again. Had a really bad bout of food poisoning on Sunday which left me quite dehydrated, but i'm much better now.. though i still need lots of rest and less time on the com or walking around.
so well.. i'll blog about the hospital stay another time.. it was restful, i must say, although i got a little bored.
Friday, December 08, 2006
Thursday, December 07, 2006
"The Confucian approach to human relations uncovers an oddity about the phrase "fall in love". If love is something we fall into, it is something we can fall out of, too. But do we not want to say that true love is an active commitment to a person, not just a passive "undergoing" of emotions that overwhelm us? Jesus commanded love; but if love can be commanded, it must be an active rather than a passive approach. It does not just happen to us; we must will it. So it appears that true love is not what we are talking about when we speak of falling in love. The key point that Confucianism teaches us here is that the highest form of relating to another person- true love- is an active approach, a quality or virtue or act of will." -Religion textbook.
insightful huh? that's why i prefer the phrase "growing in love"
i just mused in the shower. i love taking long showers though it aggravates my asthma.. but somehow i realise many things about God and myself in the shower.
today in the shower, i mused about a rocky relationship. somehow, relationship issues always bring me back to my relationship with God.. because i've always held to the notion that relationships between a man and a woman mirror our relationship with God, though the latter definitely takes precedence.
as i mused and prayed.. i realised how much we take God for granted and how we use Him as an excuse sometimes to fulfil our own desires. so often, we use the phrase "thank God" and we go to God when we are facing dire circumstances.. but what struck me was this question: "is this what God wants of us? solely to be acknowledged by us in Name?" my reply to well.. the steam around me was "definitely not.." so often, we acknowledge God's hand in our lives but refuse to take time to listen to Him, spend time building a relationship with Him..
well, i'll be the first to admit that i'm so guilty of that. i still remember my conversation with wei'en a few weeks ago when i acknowledged God and shared that indeed, He has been faithful. but when asked about my prayer life, i had to confess that i was struggling.. i was and still am. after the sermon on prayer the other day, i felt led to wake up early every morning to pray for 2 hours.. but all my attempts failed. the snooze button on my phone is probably rusted and tainted by now.
i guess musings like that do demand a response. i don't know what made me suddenly want to blog about this.. maybe just to share and build up. so.. yep. back to GEK1045.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
i am relieved and i can literally breathe a little easier now, though i still get bouts of difficulty, and i can feel the phlegm down my airways.
i think i seriously need to rest. physically rest. it's scary.. so as of now, i will stop drinking cold water, eating sweets and whatever could possibly constrict my bronchioles.
but i am still relieved. even though they kinda killed me today with the liver question, i am glad my patho and pharmaco papers are finally over.
i shall rest tonight..before i start fending for my remaining three modules. no one shall be allowed to disturb me....
Friday, November 24, 2006
i dont' know how i got here, but it was probably cos the past week, i've been thinking of 30 chapters of pharmaco, so i've been studying mostly that.. pretty slowly i must say. so when i gradually picked up on patho, i graduallyyyyyy realised there was lots to study. boy, did i freak out today.
but im tired now, with a headache. trying to get somemore stuff in.. just abit at least, so i won't have to finish so much tomorrow. maybe it's the fact that i have to write essays.. i get nervy at the thought of that.
aaaah! -pulls out hair- exam stress has gotten the better of me.
Saturday, November 18, 2006
but i've been pretty distracted. and i seriously need to shape up and study hard for the next 2 weeks.. ESPECIALLY the week leading up to the pharmaco paper, which well, that's next week. haha.
yeah, uni students need to multitask alright. my mind is full of studies, ministry, personal life. and part of me wants to sit back and relax. but that's a definite no-no till mid december after the youth camp, after which nobody shall touch me. (OK i do need to plan for SLR).
"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well."-Matthew 6:33
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Monday, November 06, 2006
Long before it was their time
You feel like the days you had were not enough
when you said goodbye
And to all of the people with burdens and pains
Keeping you back from your life
You believe that there's nothing and there is no one
Who can make it right
There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus
For the marriage that's struggling just to hang on
They lost all of their faith in love
They've done all they can to make it right again
Still it's not enough
For the ones who can't break the addictions and chains
You try to give up but you come back again
Just remember that you're not alone in your shame
And your suffering
When you're lonely
And it feels like the whole world is falling on you
You just reach out, you just cry out to Jesus
Cry to Jesus
To the widow who struggles with being alone
Wiping the tears from her eyes
For the children around the world without a home
Say a prayer tonight
- "Cry out to Jesus", Third Day
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
right now im just exhausted. was feeling so tired in school today that i couldn't really concentrate during dfd test. so well, decided to take the night off to rest! :) hmm.. don't really want to gripe and complain here, so i shall leave it as that. much to thank God for, and much to continue praying for as well..
Monday, October 23, 2006
woooooooo.. im so tired.
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Monday, October 02, 2006
Thursday, September 28, 2006
"Now before they lay down, she came up to them on the roof, and said to the men: "I know that the Lord has given you the land, that the terror of you has fallen on us, and that all the inhabitants of the land are fainthearted because of you. For we have heard how the Lord dried up the water of the Red Sea for you when you came out of Egypt, and what you did to the two kings of the Amorites who were on the other side of the Jordan, Sihon and Og, whom you utterly destroyed. And as soon as we heard these things, our hearts melted; neither did there remain any more courage in anyone because of you, for the Lord your God, He is God in heaven above and on earth beneath..."
- Joshua 2: 8-11
it struck me because the people living in Jericho then, Rahab included, feared the Lord, feared the prowess of our God. just by hearing what God had done to save and deliver the Israelites time and again, made them fear.. made their hearts melt. and when i read the passage, somehow i myself was struck with that same fear of God plus an additional sense of awe. somehow, the eyes of my heart were opened to the immeasurable greatness of an all-powerful God.
in Rahab's case, the fear in her led to what she did in faith, knowing that the God of the Israelites was God above all. it linked me back to the verse in Proverbs, The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Rahab's fear of God led her to do something wise, in faith that the almighty God of Israel would protect her.
it led me to think about myself. what is my vision and understanding of God? do i fear Him enough to take steps of faith in obedience to Him like Rahab did? what should the fear of the Lord even look like?
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Sometimes we think we are doing well, but our hearts may be full of sin.
And little will we know how much until we get alone with Him.
Until we are able to get past the noisy questions of the head,
Until our "self" with all its claims is laid before the Lord as dead
How can we hear God's still small voice with music blaring in our ears,
Or know the peace the Spirit brings, the touch that calms our inner fears?
Until we are willing to shut out the noisiness of life around -
Willing to wait until we know the "stillness of a silent sound".
We are afraid to get too still, for in those quiet moments we
Will have to face just what we are, something we might not like to see.
The attitudes that grieve our Lord, the pride, the failures, how we have been -
But that is why we need so much those silent times "
these words spoke right to my heart when i saw them. how true right? got it from a friend's blog.. but i don't know who wrote this.. don't know if he does either. so.. to whoever you are, hope you don't mind. :)
Saturday, September 23, 2006
i haven't blogged much the past few weeks. but it's fine.. i'm fine! been pretty busy, with an average of one test a week. but i survived the past three weeks, thank God.
been thinking alot, reading alot, playing the piano quite abit, studying LOTS, watching funny videos online and listening to podcasts, hanging around in the pharmacy room.. attending and chairing meetings here and there.. that pretty much sums it up.
this term break's gonna be a busy one though. two projects and a term paper to finish.. a few upcoming tests to study for.. and i've quite a lot of books and articles i want to read. so.. that's it for now i guess.. i don't really know why i updated.. maybe cos everyone keeps asking how i am. had a few quotes i wanted to blog about.. but not just yet i guess.
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Friday, September 15, 2006
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
pharmaco test tomorrow. oh well.. i'll see how that goes.. maybe i should spend some time during term break composing music to drug names! then maybe i'd be able to remember them better.. :>
but thank God.. really thank God He's kept me.. and that i'm not feeling terribly depressed by the pile of work that's mercilessly waiting for me.. and that i'm not feeling so bogged down by things..
"lest i forget Thine love for me,
lead me to calvary."
Saturday, September 09, 2006
Friday, September 01, 2006
Thanks for taking the test !
you chose CY - your Enneagram type is SIX.
"I am affectionate and skeptical"
Questioners are responsible, trustworthy, and value loyalty to family,
How to Get Along with Me
What I Like About Being a Six
What's Hard About Being a Six
Sixes as Children Often
Sixes as Parents
InformationUnhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.
Take the quiz
Saturday, April 01, 2006
and they bully my favourite dog. (besides my own, that is)
-photo taken by yin
haha.. and im sitting here, about to start work again. missed my friend's birthday party cos i have 5 tests this week. and lots of work left to do. but anyhow, this week was an interesting week. take for example, the fact that i foolishly mishandled my ditch-filled agar plate and ended up having no bacterial growth in one plate during my microB pract test. sigh.. but at least i could account for that.
and yesterday morning on the way to school, peiru and i were playing hide-and-seek. she got off the mrt, thinking i was waiting for her at the station. and i got on the mrt, thinking she was gonna look for me in the train!! and we did it twice in a row!! horrors!! by the time we found each other, we were at city hall i think. :s and yeah, both of us had gotten on 3 mrts. just for a single trip to buona vista.. oops!
yeah, but there's really lots to thank God for. i thought i wouldn't be able to get past this week, but i did. and i guess i will for the coming week too.. 5 tests await me! after that i have another birthday party... heh. i hope mr lee ah mat drives.
Sunday, March 26, 2006
haha. yes.. this has been the most memorable birthday of my life. ironically, i wasn't expecting much. haha.. but yeah.. thanks all of you! it really really made my day.. from the flowers to the three little "robbers" squatting outside my gate.. to the brownie saga and the surprise party, to washing my car! it was really really memorable. i should take and steal some pictures soon! :)
oh oh! and something really memorable that happened was that when i was driving home, i saw a rainbow! right in front of my field of vision! really beautiful.. really felt the wonder of God's creation and His love for me then. really amazing.. :)
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
my new motto till the end of sem: whenever you find yourself very free, go and study!
well, i don't think i'll be finding myself very free nowadays to start with! but still, it's a good rule to abide by. at least for now..
heh.. been thinking alot the past few days. but yeah.. they've been quite messy and random. sometimes i'll think about work, sometimes other things. i wish i had sorters to sort my thoughts and place them in their respective files. :) and while we're at it, an alarm too which goes off whenever i think wrong thoughts.. hahaha..
ok.. im rambling. it's just pre-work inertia..
Friday, March 17, 2006
just got home from cycling! it was good.. just taking a break. left everything at home and i cycled to east coast park with bryan. we stopped by bedok jetty for awhile. stood there looking up at the stars and stoning at the waves. haha.. i remembered what i learnt from my qt a few days ago.. "even the wind and the waves obey Him".. yup. all in all, was a good time. sharing.. cycling.. dragging the bike across the bridge.
haha. when i think abt this week, the stuff that lingered most in my mind was the humongous sushi buffet we had yesterday and our tried and tested theory on snorting, the horribly disgusting smell of e.coli when we were disposing of our microB specimens today in lab, pharmaco lab and rabbit intestines, and the aunty at the microB lab telling laiyi to be careful when disposing of the bacteria, lest he spill some on one of our heads.. eek.
that's it. i can't remember anything else.. haha. except that after next wk, i have many long weeks coming up ahead. somehow, i am always reminded of that whenever i go for microB.. cos she'll remind us that we have 3 presentations and at the end there's always a short quiz. not forgetting our pract test. heh.. *whines*
just now, my parents were really funny. they were showing me this aquamarine pendant they got for me for my birthday, cos apparently that's my birthstone. then my mum said.. "i wanted to get you a diamond, but it was too expensive." then i asked.. "huh? why? i don't need it what." and she replied simply "cos diamonds are a girl's best friend" haha.. day to day ramblings in the tan household.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
did you ever talk to God above
tell Him that you need a friend to love
pray in Jesus' Name believing that God answers prayer
have you told Him all your cares and woes
every tiny little fear He knows
you can know He'll always hear
and He will answer prayer
you can whisper in a crowd to Him
you can cry when you're alone to Him
you don't have to pray out loud to Him
He knows your thoughts
on a lofty mountain peak He's there
in a meadow by a stream He's there
anywhere on earth you go,
He's been there from the start
find the answer in His Word it's true
you'll be strong because He walks with you
by His faithfulness He'll change you too
God answers prayer...
Sunday, March 12, 2006
"You knew this day at my creation
You knew my life from birth
Though I ran from You
You never took Your eyes off me
You shine Your light into my presence
To reveal Your faithfulness
I'll run this race all of my days
Till I see Your face
On that day,
when I walk down this aisle
I know my King will be waiting for me
On that day,
in that heavenly place,
The angels sing the beautiful Name
of the Lord...
-The Groom and His bride
this is half of the song my cousin wrote for his wedding day. it brought me very close to tears when he sang it just now. i was reminded of Christ's second coming, and the hope i had to have.. but more than that.. it was a testimony of God's work in the life of my cousin. the amazing lifechange in a person i've known all my life. i just felt so overwhelmed. seeing how he uses his talents for God's glory.. the way he loves God, his wife and family so much.. the way he serves so fervently at the workplace and in church. a few years ago, i wouldn't have even thought i'd be witnessing all these things. maybe it was also God reminding me of His faithfulness and His ability to accomplish the impossible. sigh..
spent quite some time talking to my uncle and cousin before and during the wedding dinner as well. both shared quite alot with me today. maybe that's it.. maybe God uses suffering and struggling to mould us and bring us closer to Him.. to constantly remind us to trust in Him. i've never really felt like i needed to struggle so much before.. it's been so tiring, sometimes i just feel like giving up. but yeah.. i shouldn't..
i wish you came today. it's been such a long time.
Saturday, March 11, 2006
Friday, March 10, 2006
Sunday, March 05, 2006
'Then I saw a new heaven a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and He will live with them. They will be His people, and God Himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."'- Revelations 21: 1-4
already but not quite yet. i can't wait for the finish.
Friday, March 03, 2006
oh HO HO HO.. the week's finally over. i'm currently in an i-need-to-study-but-im-terribly-sleepy mood. was quite a long and tiring week. and i have tests coming up in the weeks to come. but lab on wednesday made me feel better cos for the first time in my twenty-nearing-twenty-one years of existence, my lab results were rather accurate! i actually got a straight line calibration graph. ok.. that might not have seemed like a big deal, but for one who's had a tiring and rather gloomy week, that uh.. meant alot! haha..
pharm bazaar: we all went for body fat analysis.. haha.. everyone was so amazed that for someone my size, i actually had that amount of body fat in me. heh. ok.. time to get started on work.
Saturday, February 25, 2006
"So if i stand, let me stand on the promise that You will pull me through
And if i can't, let me fall on the grace that first brought me to You
And if i sing, let me sing for the joy that has born in me these songs
And if i weep, let it be as a man who is longing for his home."
-If i stand, Rich Mullins
Thursday, February 23, 2006
i never had such a productive term break in my four semesters here in NUS so far! OK, so i did set out to accomplish more, but i think this is as much as i can accomplish. i'm still barely started on my pharm module notes, haven't read up on pharm pract tutorial 2, totally not prepared for my microB tutorial tomorrow and i have yet to get organised and start studying for other tests.. but at least my psych's on track, i've finished my drug info. write-up, more or less done with my SDL and pharm analysis project, done with my psych RPs as well! that's some stuff off my shoulder for now, although there's more to come.
grrrrr... determination.. that's what i need!
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
i realise i haven't really blogged in quite awhile. probably cos i've been so busy and my mind has been rather consumed with work and stuff that needs to be done. yeah. but thank God for the midsemester break. this morning has gotten off to a very slow start. but i'm quite enjoying myself. woke up at 11 (gasp!) and spent quite awhile talking to my mum. through the conversation, i was reminded again and again that yeah.. i really need to spend more time in prayer..
just read through the last few chapters of hebrews. and as i read through from chapters 9 - 13.. i experienced a vast array of emotion. hadn't felt like that in a long time. it was quite amazing, reading about how Christ came as high priest of the good things that are already here and how He entered the Most Holy Place once for all by His own blood, and through the eternal Spirit offered Himself unblemished to God and cleansed our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living God. somehow this reminded me of my purpose in life. i am saved so that i may serve Him, not so that i can simply live out my life in routine.
chapters 10 and 11 reminded me of the hope i had in a faithful God, and it was a reminder once again to live as aliens and strangers on this earth, and to look forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God. the eternal vs. the temporal. it really is a struggle at times to cling on to the temporal, instead of continually looking toward the eternal. but yeah.. i really look forward to the day when we are all made perfect in God and He is glorified because we're totally satisfied in Him.
there's really so much more that encouraged me as i read hebrews. and it was so refreshing. i think i've been so tired lately that i've hardly let the Word speak into my life. i need to slooooooooooooow down.. life is going too fast for me to catch up!
Monday, February 13, 2006
"During the days of Jesus' life on earth, He offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the One who could save Him from death and He was heard because of His reverent submission. Although He was a son, He learned obedience from what He suffered, and once made perfect, He became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey Him and was designated by God to be high priest in the order of Melchizedek." - Hebrews 5: 7-10
Saturday, February 11, 2006
"there is a higher throne
than all this world has known
where faithful ones from every tongue
will one day come
before the Son they'll stand
made faultless through the lamb
believing hearts find promised grace
hear heaven's voices sing
their thunderous anthem ring
through emerald courts and sapphire skies
their praises rise
All glory wisdom power
strength thanks and honour are
to God our King, who reigns on high
and there we'll find our home
our life before the throne
we'll honour Him in perfect song
where we belong
He'll wipe each tear-stained eye
as thirst and hunger die
the lamb becomes our Shepherd King
we'll reign with Him"
Thursday, February 09, 2006
"For surely it is not angels He helps, but Abraham's descendants. For this reason, He had to be made like His brothers in every way, in order that He might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that He might make atonement for the sins of the people. Because He Himself suffered when He was tempted, He is able to help those who are being tempted."-Hebrews 2: 16-18
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
sigh.. maybe stomach flu is God's way of telling me to treasure the food around me. after having to stick to plain porridge and not more than 2 slices of bread per meal, give me anything and i'd gladly down it. bread seriously never tasted so good! i don't recall ever looking forward to having bread for breakfast. but hey.. today i did. i guess that's also a sign that i'm recovering.. hunger pangs! thank God. :)
heh.. have learnt not to take even sitting up or walking around for granted either. after yesterday's traumatic experience of not being able to sit or walk for more than 10 minutes without my stomach and back screaming in pain, it reeaaaaaally feels wonderful being able to sit up and do lab reports, and blog!
well.. i guess the pace of life accelerates again once i return to school tomorrow, having missed two lectures and two practs.. but i've already planned out what i want to feast on once i get well! (and selfishly hidden my favourite chocolate cake so the rest can't finish it on my behalf.. heh)
Saturday, February 04, 2006
gonna stick in one post before i run off to meet yiling!
there's this silly bird stuck in my brother's room right now! initially the door was closed and it was trying to find its way out unsuccessfully. kinda kept knocking itself against the door repeatedly. (i'm still trying to figure out how it got in there in the first place!) and so i made my way inside to open the balcony door to release the poor bird. (sparrow, i think)
however, as i approached it, i guess it got scared of me and flew upwards towards the glass window. (which can't be opened) up till now, i can still hear it chirping away, fluttering its wings and knocking repeatedly against the window. i tried to direct it out by getting its attention and pointing the way out through the door. but i guess it thinks im trying to catch it and have bird stew for dinner. sigh.
so i stood there gazing at it, feeling pretty helpless. the little birdie took a rest as well and sat on the window sill staring back at me. i suddenly remembered these lyrics.. "...Yet He feeds the poor sparrows, and He knows when they fall..." then i asked God to guide it out of the door.. and went back to my room to get changed. poor bird. it'll find its way out sooner or later.
the other lyrics of the same song came to mind though. i sat there for awhile, reflecting on them, thanking God for who He is and His repeated reassurance that He cares for me. :)
"Our God is far greater, than words can make known
Exalted and holy, He reigns on His throne
In infinite splendour, He rules over all
Yet He feeds the poor sparrows and He knows when they fall.
His power is great and will ever endure,
His wisdom is peaceable, gentle, and pure.
But greater than all these glories I see,
Is the glorious promise that He cares for me."
Saturday, January 28, 2006
chinese new year eve. my cousin came over to join us for dinner today. he has a rather lopsided haircut i must say. :) well, but dinner was livelier cos he had quite a lot of stories to tell us!
my dad bought a bone for fifi. he started chewing happily after we gave it to him and behaved as though we were non-existent. *grumbles* and when we tried to take it away, he'd growl at us! heh.. well, at least it was easier to shoo him back into the kitchen after dinner and take sneaky pictures with him. ;)
Thursday, January 26, 2006
"Heart worship does not defy art worship, for heart worship will give rise to new levels of art which will have tremendous significance. Orders of service will not generate worship, but they can give corporate expression meaningful direction. Beautiful aesthetic surroundings will not generate God-centered worship, but the worshipping heart can take wings in a beautiful setting. Tremendous musical composition and performance cannot create heart worship, but this can give worship expression unlike any language known to man. Art with the proper attitude can be a great expression; but it must begin with a heart in fellowship with God."
-Worship, Rediscovering the Missing Jewel
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
ever since i passed my driving test and started getting more experience driving alone, i've always been uptight being a passenger in another person's car. a few mornings ago, my dad gave me a lift to lavender and as usual, i got all jittery when he drove too close to the car in front or went too fast.
then this thought suddenly came to mind: "why must you always be in control? why can't you learn to let go?" i made a conscious decision to let go then, and ended up enjoying the rest of my car ride. maybe that's what i need to do with my life.
Friday, January 06, 2006
"We waste our lives when we do not pray and think and dream and plan and work toward magnifying God in all spheres of life. God created us for this: to live our lives in a way that makes Him look more like the greatness and the beauty and the infinite worth that He really is. In the night sky of this world God appears to most people, if at all, like a pinprick of light in a heaven of darkness. But He created us and called us to make Him look like what He really is. This is what it means to be created in the image of God. We are meant to image forth in the world what He is really like."
-don't waste your life, John Piper
i gazed up into the clear night sky last night. there were so many stars.. it was really beautiful. what i read in the morning came back to me. the heavens shall declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of His hands. what about me? have i been declaring Your glory the way You want me to?
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
came across this while i was doing my qt just now. i dunno why. it just struck me as such a beautiful passage.
"Beyond all question, the mystery of godliness is great:
He appeared in a body, was vindicated by the Spirit,
was seen by angels, was preached among the nations,
was believed on in the world, was taken up in glory." - 1 Timothy 3:16
i don't yet fully understand it though.